Transgender and now so confused

Hi, My name is Charlotte. I am 52 years old and have always known from age 3 that I was a Girl inside. At age 9 , after being beat up and pucked on most of my childhood , I was kicked out of the Girl Scouts and raped by two boy Scouts who lived on my street. With pressure from family , church and peers, I gave my dream of being a girl and have lived my life as a boy/man . Fast forward , My wife of 21 years left in 2009 when my construction business went bankrupt due to the lack of building in my area. During that time oof deptession and sadness , I started remembering joy Love and freedom I had in my youth when I lived as Girl. I started crossdressing at home little until I was living as a women except for work. Six months ago after I had studied a lot about MTF HRT. I decided to do a one month trial . I have never felt more alive and at peace ever. So since I started HRT, I have been lossing interest in intamacy with my Girl friend. However we get along otherwise better than ever. I can't help but think of her as a pal I shop with and have fun talking to. I also have been remembering how from time to time , through out my life , how I have been really attracted to male coworkers and friends. I have also fantasized my whole life about being with a man sexually but never have been. Now since HRT I am really becoming attracted to certain men and OMG, I can smell them and sometimes it is really a turn on. So my question is , what am I . I have considered myself a straight male my whole life and lived that way . Is my true sexual orientation a straight male , or a straight Female , Or am I bi-sexual . Could this be the hormones talking or have I let society dictate my sexual orientation for me. Please help , I am really confused , thanks, hugs, Charlotte

 

Thank you soooo much. I think you are right, I just never let myself give into that before. I feel so free now , Its wonderful. Charlotte