I'm 29, born, raised and lived as a male, with 3 biological children by 3 different bi-curious women. I've always been attracted to males. My first crush was on a boy. I've .. more or less had sex with a few men, but didn't experience any pleasure or even arousal from them, and I'm fairly sure this is from sexual abuse from an older family member that went on for a year or so. I HATE men. I have exactly one male friend, who I haven't talked to in years, and he was.. different. Completely straight, not confused or closeted, but he saw right through me, knew me better than I did and never even had to "accept" me- it just was what it was. We were battle buddies in Iraq and I think that did an immense amount to bond us. I now find myself in the midst of losing my second marriage, and in a relationship with my 4th lesbian. Not bi, but the 4th, first-time-having-consensual-sex-with-a-man lesbian. The first two were younger, a weekend with one (who wanted to move in with me, but two days after I left sent me a mumbled voice-mail about needing her princess), a week with another (who on day 5 told me she was breaking up with her girlfriend, and morning of day 6 cussed me out and told me to leave her the f* alone.) The third was a week younger then me at 27, was my best friend for two years, broke up with her wife, moved in with me and MY wife who she manipulated into leaving, was my "boyfriend" for a month then disappeared- haven't heard from her since. "Vicky" is different. We met 9 months ago, and she was engaged to a beautiful woman. We bonded over similar experiences in the Army, and she came on to me so strongly- skinny dipping, showering together, until I finally just woke up in her mouth when wanted overnight "platonic" naked cuddling. A week of awesome sex. Her fiance dumped her- "Vicky" has never told so much as a white lie that I've caught, and is just insanely honest- and "Vicky" told me to leave her alone. So.. I did. Two months ago, "Vicky" comes into my work and has forgotten my name. She invites me over, I find out she's single now, and after another week of amazing sex she tells me she loves me in the middle of the most passionate, romantic love making I have EVER experienced. She comes over to my hose in the middle of the night just to kiss me, never saying a word and leaving again straight away. Pushes me up against the wall to make love, rides me like a tiger, and generally is all the best ultra sex I've been denied. She starts telling me about how I'm "fixing" her, making her forget the pain, and finally tells me about how her father molested her, her step-father raped her when she was 15, and how her step-father, half brother and a nameless hobo roofied her and raped her again.. last January, when she was 25, after she got out of the Army. Horrifying details. She tells me about the piece of rebar (the steel rods inside concrete)- I was a medic, she lets me examine her cervix, and the scarring is just.. unreal.. but still we make love time and time again. I honestly think we're in a relationship, we plan on moving into a specific apartment together and she fills out the application. Then, about 3 weeks ago, she tells me she's determined to stop drinking. She's been a dependent alcoholic for several years and as I wean her through the 72 hours of detox I believe it. I fill out applications, beg my boss and talk her up to employers and get her two different jobs so she can afford her rent again.. and she tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship. She tells me everything was real, it was incredible, she meant everything and she still loves me but isn't IN love with me and doesn't want anything from anybody, but promptly starts sleeping over with a female coworker I introduced her to but swears that they aren't doing anything but sleeping. I'm an idiot. I'm in love with this woman, in a way that I've never felt before. It feels RIGHT. Natural. Who I am. I've never been normal, and due to my physical characteristics suspect I might actually have Klinefelter's Syndrome. She's a perfect fit but I can't get her to look past my being male and give me a chance at dating her now, even though nothing about me being male did anything to stop anything before- she told me she's never had such great sex in her life. I don't want to let her go. I don't understand this at all. I am so completely lost and confused. I feel selfish and stupid but right and logical and I just want to scream and find some way of helping her accept me for who I am- the person she knows and loves- and not what I am. The gender that freaking mutilated her. Please help me. -t
Lesbian or not I don't think this is the right woman for you , clearly by the story you written this girl clearly doesn't know what she wants and if she doesn't want a relationship with you I think it's best you find a woman who will want one if that's what your looking for .
Yeah, not being right for me isn't one of the choices. I've never been this compatible with anyone in my life. Why would I not try to preserve that?
If someone tells you they don't want a relationship with you , your setting yourself up for a heart break but if you want to continue chasing after her go head it's your life not mine.
