I've told a few people that I'm attracted to women, but said I was bisexual. However, I think I might actually be a lesbian (sorry, I don't know how else to phrase it, but I'm actually genderfluid born female). When I started dating my boyfriend, he already knew I identified as bi. We've been together for 3 months and I'm honestly feeling like I wouldn't be able to bring myself to hug or kiss him. We haven't gone beyond holding hands and my friends say that we've been dating for so long we should at least hug by now. But I'm extremely uncomfortable by the thought and I can't imagine us married or having sex. I'd prefer to be the dominant one in the relationship and hold open the door and stuff, but of course he's a guy and strictly follows what he calls the "gentleman code of conduct" so he's always saying "lady's first" and holding open doors and stuff for me. I've actually told him I was genderfluid, but no matter how I try to explain he doesn't really get it. It's like I love him, but at the same time I don't. Should I just break up with him? or should I see where the relationship will take us?
I forgot to add that I almost broke up with him for my friend whom I was still in love with when we first started dating (she realized she was actually straight when I was about to break up with him though). And when he went to Italy, he actually got permission from a priest to date me (he's Catholic and didn't know if dating a bisexual was against the religion or not. Apparently it's ok). The reason I agreed to date him was that I wanted to get over a girl I liked. Eventually I liked him romantically sort of, but not physically/sexually.
This isn't gonna be the answer you want and I'm sorry about that. Nevertheless, I want to remind you of some things in the hopes that you will find something useful in the things I say. Only you can identify what sexuality you have. No one can tell you that you are one thing or the other or the other, etc. to infinity. You may be heteroromantic or biromantic. That basically means that you can be emotionally attracted to/love the same sex or both sexes respectively. This isn't about sex, it's just about love. It seems that you may be experiencing some things that could be because of this. As far as sexuality goes, I have to say that, from what you shared, I am pretty sure you are attracted sexually to women. Think to yourself, have you ever had a sexual fantasy? If so, what sex were you having the imaginary encounter with? How would you feel having a sexual encounter with a man (or your boyfriend)? If it doesn't make your or your boyfriend too uncomfortable, I'd suggest just trying to hug/kiss. Experimentation could help you decide how you feel, because it's harder to make a judgement about something you've never experienced. If you feel you just can't do either of those things, then maybe you have your answer. Then again, maybe you're just not sexually attracted to him in particular.
Thanks for your input! I'm thinking it might just be him, although I do have a preference for women. Not my type maybe?
No problem. It's definitely possible that he's just not your type. And have you heard of the Kinsey scale? It's a pretty basic sexuality scale. So you might be bi and just have a preference for women, which is totally valid and might be possible.
Well there are two quesitons here: 1) do you want to date him? 2) are you a lesbian? The two things aren't necessarily related. He sounds like he's inconsiderate of your gender identity, and plus its the 21st century who cares about chivalry? If you love him maybe you can talk it out. But you don't have to be a lesbian to break up with him.
You're right! I'm thinking I'll give myself a bit more time to think it over, but I'm still young and I'm not gonna let one person hold me back. He's really sweet, but probably not the right person in the long run. Plus, I want to cut my hair short and he thinks it's a bad idea. Too bad for him though! ^-^ Thanks for your advice!
Oh man, my ex always said he'd break up with me if I cut my hair (half-jokingly) and when we broke up I finally cut my hair and I love it! It's so nice doing things for yourself instead of for other people. Breakups are hard, but sometimes they're so worth it.
