So my mom talked to me about how its wrong to be bi, and begged me to try with women, and ignore my attraction towards men because Im not an animal and its wrong. But now she says she has made some research and found that the reason for being gay is because you have more estrogen than testosterone, and injecting testosterone will make you straight again..... how much truth is in this statement?? I find it illogical, but I don´t know...
Estrogen and testosterone don't really do much to effect your sexuality. Lesbians with high estrogen levels still like women, and gay men with high testosterone levels still like men. No one really knows what affects sexuality at the moment. Some people have theories, but licensed psychologists and neuroscientists agree that there isn't enough evidence to make any sort of conclusion.. But corrective therapy acting on any theory, as some call it, like counseling sessions and hormone injections typically don't work.
Omg, that is so much crap! I'd love to hear what her references are. You can seriously fuck yourself up with hormones...not something to mess around with lightly. And it won't do a damned thing about your sexuality...except possibly make you want sex more (generally). You are 22, my friend. Do your own research. Make your own decisions. Have sex with whoever you find attractive. Sure try with women...try with men too, because "trying with women" won't get rid of your interests in men. And we *are* animals; even your mom.
Yes I have done my own reasearch, and I had never seen something like this, that´s why I asked if anyone knew something about it. I told her it was illogical, and that it shouldn´t matter what I do with my life. But she just kept going on and on about how I would hurt myself and my partner, its annoying. She said that we can control our instincts, and said that when someone is married, they have the power to control their attraction for other people, by avoiding situations that could lead to something, because as humans we have free will, and so I could control my attraction towards men, and just focus on women... I said that it didn´t work like that, but it annoys me that she thinks like that
Eh, we humans are notorious for brushing off something we don't understand as controllable. My dad thinks I can control my depression. Some people think gay people wouldn't be gay if they tried hard enough to like the opposite sex. Free will is different from attraction. You can't decide who to be attracted to, as you know. It just sorta happens. I guess just try to keep up a polite face when she's talking like this, and maybe as time goes by she'll soften her views.
Your mom's job for 18 years was to keep you safe, and make you feel loved, and teach you her versions of right and wrong, and to enforce safety and rightness through appropriate rules and lectures. I am quite sure she did her best and did an admirable job. I suspect she is now scared, because the world doesn't work the way she thinks it does, and her son has turned out to have same-sex attractions. So she's now looking for an easy fix to make that scary thing go away. But it won't. You are you. And your job right now is to learn what being you is about and to learn to live your own life on your own terms, based on what *you* feel is right or wrong (influenced but not controlled by your parents sense of right and wrong...as she says, you do have free will). We absolutely cannot control our instincts. All we can control is our behavior. And we can control it in ways that make us happy or we can control it in ways that make us miserable. Continue reading the literature and research on LGBT issues, and you will continue to find that trying to deny your instincts in this matter will lead to misery. I'm guessing that your mom would love nothing more than for you to marry some girl, and for the two of you to settle down and have children. But read peoples' stories here (especially in the LGBT Later in Life forum!!), and see how many people have tried to deny their sexuality, got married (in some cases because they felt they truly loved a person; in some cases because they hoped doing so would get rid of their same-sex instincts), and in many cases had children...only to discover after years and after messing up multiple peoples' lives that they just couldn't continue to live that way. Sure, you say (and maybe she says), but I'm bisexual. That means I can like either men or women. So I can just ignore the male attractions. Please check out some bisexual forums...spend some time chatting with some bisexual men and women...and what you'll find there are people who after years of trying to do just that are being driven mad by the desires for what they don't currently have. As one of these people, I honestly cannot say whether this is "just like any other married person who needs to suppress their urges toward having sex with others in order to maintain monogamy." I can't go that far...I don't know. I've been monogamous with a female partner (whom I love tremendously and will not betray) for 28 years. I know about exerting my will and controlling my behavior. Maybe every straight person goes through what I'm experiencing as I get older and my attractions to men strengthen and assert themselves...but I doubt it. I've learned that for me, monogamy is a nice idea, but isn't *necessarily* the ideal that our society (including your mother) makes it out to be. It has its advantages, yes. But it also has costly disadvantages, and it is only one of very many ways to be happy in the world. My own mother would be appalled to hear that I've come to feel this way (lol, it was hard enough for her to accept that I have a same-sex partner, though she's done admirably). I respect her views...but I'm my own person, and will live my own life as I need to in order to be happy. I haven't figured out exactly what that means yet...still working on it. Just sayin' I'm not letting mom make that decision for me. Good luck with your own decisions. And if you need to talk more, we're here.
