Hello, First poster here. I've been dating men, partially out of the closet, for a couple of years but haven't really felt that spark inside in either of the relationships (there have been only two). I tell people I'm bi when the opportunity arises, but I don't go out of my way to identify my sexuality. Recently, I began seeing a woman from school who I have strong feeling of attraction towards, and I sometimes feel like I'm falling in love with her. However, as the relationship progresses I have developed this deep pain in my heart that something isn't right. The other night, I told her I was gay and that I felt like I wasn't being true to myself, and the next day I felt like I had passed up the girl of my dreams. So we talked and decided to try and work through this and we're essentially back together now. We have been flirting with the idea for 6 months or so but have only started being intimate 2 weeks ago. She is amazing, and really likes me. I haven't felt this attracted on an emotional level to anyone in a long time but the conflicted feeling remains. This painful sensation has not been as present with the guys I've been with, but neither has any feeling that those relationships were really worth investing in. I do find myself more physically attracted to men but some women do the trick as well. The sex is good with both genders, but something is preventing me from really feeling comfortable with a woman. Any ideas?
Hey there SimBil, Welcome to the club. Like you, I'm in a relationship with a woman, but often feel guilty about it. Also like you, it's cause I have a past of being attracted to men (and, in my case, also transexuals). But, if you really do like her, then ignore it. Bisexual men have an especially tough time of coming to copes with the idea of being able to love both sexes—blame it, along with the rest of sexual stigmas, on society. It is possible, though. It helps to talk about it with your girlfriend once in a while.
Hey, thanks much for the reply. I was just reflecting on the situation and one of the big fears I have is showing affection in public and feeling dishonest about it, like other people are going to "know" my secret. It doesn't help that we are in a very intense grad program together and decided to be casual (i.e. secret) about our relationship at first, but now it's like, "why hide it?" The cohort is very tight and it I'm self-conscious by nature so having the attention drawn to me because of an in-class relationship that I am not totally comfortable with is almost unbearable. We've talked at length about what I'm going through, which is good. However, ignoring the feelings is impossible, they are so strong and affect me deeply.
