hi, i'm twenty-two, cisgender female and currently i have a boyfriend. i'm definitely attracted to guys. however i think i've been having some questioning feelings for a little while now. i'm trying to wrap my head around being anything other than heterosexual and that alone feels overwhelming. i don't think i've ever had a crush on a girl, but i know i can be attracted to them physically, especially girls that have an edgy style. lena heady literally makes me go weak in the knees, and a lot of the time i have to stop myself from commenting on how hot an actress/celebrity is in front of my friends. but if i can't see myself with a girl, or having a crush on one, what does that make me? i mean i don't plan on leaving my boyfriend anytime soon (or ever, we've been together for about two years and have discussed marriage in the future) so is there a point in thinking about this if i'm going to be with a man? also i've worked really hard to emerge from a homophobic family to educate myself and be a supportive ally, but i really don't like the idea of me being anything other than heterosexual? what is up with that? has anyone else had feelings like this or are going through it that can give me some advice? or how you even start to tell your friends/family that you're questioning? worse, what if you decide you're not heterosexual and tell your friends/family and then later feel you were wrong?? how does anybody do this.
Maybe you're bisexual hetero-romantic? Absolutely there is a point! Your sexuality is part of who you are. It's natural to want to know your self and that includes knowing who you're attracted to. Also being honest with yourself and others gives you the freedom to aknowledge you think the woman across the street is hot. Your boyfriend does the same thing right? Doesn't mean anything is going to happen between them. All it means is you both think she's hot. It might even bring you closer together one because you're being honest with each other and two because you share something. It's really hard to seperate ourselves from our upcoming. Plus being supportive of someone else isn't the same as trying to redefine ourselves. You grew up thinking you were straight. It's going to take time to accept and adjust to liking girls sexually. If you don't feel ready don't. Also I wouldn't advise telling them before you're certain of what you want to label yourself ( if you want to ) because it's confusing to you which means they probably won't get it and will probably blow you off. I think everyone who ever questions fears this. But you can't. If you keep this fear you will never be able to accept yourself. You just have to trust yourself to know. Plus the worse thing that will happen is you'll have to come out again as heterosexual. Sexuality can be fluid to so keep that in mind. Basically just do what feels right to you.
One option is that you are bicurious or bisexual/heteroromantic, and maybe that's something you could talk to your boyfriend about exploring if he's openminded. But it could also be that you haven't met the right girl and that you're picky with your crushes, or that you've repressed romantic feelings in the past. It's normal to be supportive of other peoples' sexuality but want to be straight yourself. Coming out is harder for people who don't accept homosexuality, but it's still a difficult process for those who are from tolerant backgrounds. I still struggle with it sometimes but never have I been anything but supportive of LGBT people. When I came out to my parents I wasn't 100% positive but it was before Pride and it was while I was dating women so I told my parents that I sometimes date women. Saying "I'm gay" or "I'm bi" would have been easier for me, but I think they would have had the same reaction anyways, and then I didn't have to label myself. Coming out to friends, I told them I had a crush on a girl, and told them I dont know what it means but I want to explore it. Anyways that's just me. Everyone was confused because I'd dated guys before then, but I think ultimately it was not what the heart wanted. It might be, in the future, which is why I say I'm bi. I don't want to be out as "gay" because although I am predominantly looking for women, I am open to other options in theory, and I don't want to have to re-come-out to everyone so I choose the label that best describes me. But I think that "queer" is more fitting; it just isn't helpful to those who want to know me better.
