I'm a 20 year old 'straight' female and have been in 2 long-term relationships since I was 15 (still in the 2nd one). Since hitting puberty I have found both women and men attractive but just presumed this was normal behaviour and continued to get with boys only as this was common practice. I have recently started watching porn and found lesbian porn is the only thing that gets me off. When watching straight porn I concentrate solely on the women. I have also started fantasizing about women when having sex with my boyfriend and constantly look at women online, admiring and getting turned on. Men don't do the same thing for me at all and both my boyfriends I got with for their personalities and I feel like we are/were friends/companions rather than lovers. I have started to dread sleeping with my boyfriend because I feel guilty about fantasizing about women's bodies in order to finish. I love my boyfriend to bits and really feel like we're soulmates because of how well we get on together. I am confused about how I can love him so much whilst also not really being attracted to him and fantasizing about sleeping with women. I worry whether I'm gay and don't know it because I've never had sex with a woman or whether I'm just curious and the fantasizing is admiring women rather than fancying them? Has anyone had any similar experiences or have any wisdom they can pass on?
So I was looking around this site and read your post and it convinced me to make an account. I'm nineteen and im literally going through the same exact freaking thing! The thought of a woman, turns me on so much more then a man. Sometimes I even try to fantasize ny boyfriend a woman. I mean,I'm Still very hot for guys and all,but the appeal of a super pretty girl makes me so I don't know the word, my heart definitely beats faster. ---------- Post added 21st May 2014 at 09:33 AM ---------- Like literally everything you've said has described how I feel to a tee! I'm so glad I'm not alone! It's so confusing!
It is possible to love someone and not be in love with them. You need to figure out which it is. And I would say you are bi. Sounds like that to me anyways. In terms of not getting off with guys, you may not have found the right one. You are still young and learning your body. For some women, it takes a bit of time and experience to get off. At least consistently anyways. It also takes a guy that knows what he's doing. That's just what I think.
Loving someone that much but not having attraction to them sounds like just a really good friendship as you described. It definitely sounds like you gay but maybe bi-romantic. How do you feel when showing affection for your boyfriends and engaging romantically with them? (Referring to both of you)
