Okay, so I'm 19 years old and have only recently started to seriously question my sexuality. It's popped into my head several times before, but I never thought much of it and pushed it to the back of my mind and just carried on with my life, but this time it's different. I've always just assumed that I was straight, because that's the norm. I didn't grow up in a conservative family, everyone's pretty open when it comes to LGBT, but Ive still always felt like being straight and being attracted to guys was what's normal, so that's how I've always been. But ever since I can remember, I've found girls attractive. I know that it's normal for straight girls to appreciate other women, and be like "wow she's hot" but not actually be attracted to them, and that's what I always thought I was doing. But now I'm starting to think that's what I was doing with guys. I know what an attractive guy looks like, so whenever I saw an attractive guy, I assumed I found him attractive, because all of my friends did, so I just assumed that I was attracted to them. Now I'm starting to realise that when I see an attractive girl, I feel it, if that makes sense? I get butterflies, and I get nervous and self conscious around them when I talk to them, and I worry a lot about what they think of me. I know now that this is how straight girls feel around guys, but I just don't get like that with guys. I've had sex with guys, and I enjoyed it, which just made me more sure that I was DEFINITELY straight, but I think I only enjoyed it because I was having sex. I don't want this to get weird, but let's face it, sex is good. I enjoyed it even though I wasn't attracted to them. At the time I thought I was, but I was actually just aware of the fact that they fit into the "attractive male" criteria. When I was in school, one of my best friends came out as a lesbian, and because 14 year olds can be really horrible, she had to put with a lot of crap because of it. And for some reason, everyone thought that because we were so close, I must have been gay too. I was bullied for it for a good few years, and I was so convinced that I wasn't gay. Now I'm starting to question it, and in the strangest way I feel like if it turns out that I am gay, I will have let them win. I know that sounds so so stupid, but that's how I feel. I don't want to be gay because of that. I don't want to be gay, and it terrifies me that I might be. I helped my friend when she came out, I remember her calling me before and after she'd come out to her parents, and she was crying both times, and I love her so much and we're so so close. But I never thought it would be me. I've always had problems fitting in, and I feel like being gay will just make me stick out a lot more, and I don't think I can deal with that. I don't really know what to do, I've never seriously questioned it before. It's starting to stress me out, and I chose a great time for this because I'm in the middle of my exams for uni, woops! If someone could tell me if I was gay or not, that would be great, but I don't think that's how it works. I just really need some advice, and maybe if someone could tell me to chill out, that would be great too, haha :/ Anyway, I think that's everything. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I'll see you guys around
I'm more or less in the same boat as you, except for the sex part. Never tried it, and I don't expect to anytime soon. I have, however, dated a few guys. But now that I think about it, it was probably just a friendship, and we called it dating because we were in that weird period where being seen with a guy means you're dating him. I honestlybdid date a guy last winter, but he went to a different school than I did, and honestly, I only asked him out because I wanted to be friends. I never felt anything for him, and ever intimate thing, like kissing or holding hands, made my stomach turn in a very bad way. But now I'm pretty sure I'm gay. Its a freaky thought, when you'velived your whole life thinking you're straight. Suddenly, you feel like maybe you're not who you thought you were. Just, take some time. Don't over think it. Don't label yourself until you're comfortable, no matter what said label is. And if you realize you really are gay, then those bullies haven't won, they weren't trying to turn you into a lesbian. They were trying to make themselves feel better by making you feel worse. The only way they win is if you think they're better than you. And perhaps your bi? Have you given any thought to that? There's no one way for sure to tell if you're gay or not. For me, though, after I accepted that I like women, I feel excited for my future for the first time. I actually wouldn't mind having a family now. I actually like the thought of falling in love, getting married even if only ceremonially, and maybe adopting. I never felt that way about ga future as a straight woman.
I think you are gay, but you might be bisexual. You have to think about it for a while and determine if you are also capable of feeling the way you do about girls, but with boys.
