I’ve had some doubts about my sexuality for some time now. I’m 26 and haven’t had sex with anyone. I had my first sex dream about Britney Spears when I was 12 but I also always assumed I’d marry a man. In my mind, it was always an old man who died and left me his money after I had kids, but a man nonetheless. However in my teenage years I was repeatedly molested by a male school employee. Ever since then whenever I have sex dreams about men they always involve force, violence, rape etc. and I always wake up before any actual sex. My dreams about women are completely opposite. I go all the way and enjoy myself sometimes to the point of orgasm. I have also noticed that I am wary of men in general. I’m fine with men I know but I’m cautious with strangers even if their simply trying to sale me something. With women I’m just shy. I’m just confused about why my sexual orientation developed. Would I have been normal if I wasn’t abused or was it always there?
Wow, I want to give you a hug.. That is a huge burden to bear and carry around. I am sorry you had to grow up and deal with that.. I can't say that it made you a lesbian or not, I would be surprised if it had. My question would be is it normal for people to switch their orientations after being sexually abused. I don't actually know the answer, but I am inclined to believe that the answer is probably no. I can certainly understand you wariness around strangers and men in general. But even people whom didn't have to endure what you did have those social phobias as well. I guess my point is you might or might not be connecting two different facets of your personality that don't have anything to do with each other. Or maybe they do. Have you spoken to a professional about your trauma from your childhood before? It might help to reason this out with someone equipped to deal with helping you through this. One thing that strikes me is that you still have sex dreams about men. I don't and never really have had sex dreams at all, and I am a Kinsey 5.9. So I don't know that your dreams can portray who you are in the real world. I would be hesitant to say they are anything more than an indication that you are simply a sexual being. And there is nothing wrong with that...
I guess I’m just confused because I hear so many gay/lesbian people say they knew from a very young age but the first time I questioned my sexuality was when I was 12. I have told certain family members that I had my doubts but they say it’s because I haven’t slept with a man. I’m not scared or grossed out by the thought of sleeping with a man but it doesn’t sound like I would enjoy it and thus I have no desire to. My family also assures me that if I were a lesbian I would know so the fact that I’m questioning means I’m not. However a part of me wonders how they would know considering they are straight.
Only you know the truth. And deep down you probably do have the answer, but probably haven't come to that determination yet. There are plenty of people on here that don't come out until they are married many years as well. I think some people have environments where they aren't as conflicted about their sexuality and that can help to solidify how you feel about yourself. It sounds to me like you are in that group where there might be a chance you might fall in love with a man and be happy. Or maybe it is that whole "what if" scenario most of us play from time to time. I can't imagine myself with a woman, but I wonder what would happen if I went down that road. You family doesn't have any clue the struggle you are going through and while their advice is questionable at best, they might not be wrong. Sounds like you need time to figure it out. Maybe go on a date with a guy and see what happens? How do you feel about male friends that you have? have you ever had a crush on a guy before?
