I'll get straight to the point here: -I've had three boyfriends but they barely count because they were those middle-school-basically-fake relationships -I made out with a guy but I wasn't into it and I was just going through the motions, even though it was my first time and I barely got excited or anything -I'm pretty sure I'm sexually attracted to guys -I'm pretty sure I'm not sexually attracted to girls -I feel romantically attracted to both but it's on and off, like phases, like I'll have a phase where I'm sure I'm lesbian or bi, and then another phase where I'm positive I actually don't like girls (although sometimes I convince myself this, other times I don't) and like guys a lot more -I feel like there's this emotional wall whenever I think about having a serious relationship with a guy and I like the idea and everything but when it gets down to it then I haven't really been attracted to the guys very much -I've had crushes on guys and I'll get excited when they talk to me, but they've always been taken sooo... -I find myself looking at girls' chests and butts and I have to consciously look away -I was a super tom-boyish kid when I was younger and had barely any friends who were girls, always dressed like a boy and played with boys and that whole deal So saying all this, my biggest problem that I'm trying to figure out is the emotional wall - do I like guys? Do I not? Do I kinda? How come I can have crushes but when I start having a relationship with a guy I get turned off? Has anyone else ever experienced something like this or has any advice? Thanks for reading it all!
I just like you really. I like guys romantically and i don't really know about physically, but i do have this strong emotional wall when it comes to guys. I can chat with them, but nothing really more and sometimes with just chatting i get very anxious and nervous for some reason. I have never kissed a guy and only had the fake middle school relationships like you. With girls i am sexually attracted to them and emotionally too, but not really romantically. It is just easier with girls, but again have no experience with them. It is really hard and i don't have any really good advice. I think we just need to hang in there until we figure out our feelings. If you need anyone to talk to I am also here.
Wow this is literally me with the emotional wall. I have had crushes on guys but when they either 1. try to kiss me or 2. ask me out/acknowledge that they like me back I freeze up and get very anxious. It basically feels like I'm having a continuous panic attack when I think about them. When I was 15, I was in a relationship with a guy (that I originally liked), but once he asked me out, I had a continuous pit in my stomach that was actually painful, so that obviously didn't work out. Once, a guy friend tried to make out with me and I had a panic attack driving home (sweating, shaking, and feeling physically sick). I'm not sure if this is partially because of my anxiety (which I have). Also, do you look at females' butts and boobs because you think they're attractive? But you aren't sexually attracted to them? What do you mean by that?
I don't know, when I think about sex and stuff girls boobs and butts aren't attractive but in school and stuff I find myself staring/drawn to looking at them... Just another part of my confusing self
Looking at the other girls and acknowledging that they are attractive is not the same as actually finding them attractive. As I see it, it’s a bit like the difference between “That girl has nice boobs, I’d like to have a pair like that” and “That girl has nice boobs, I’d love to touch them”. I know all about that emotional wall when it comes to guys. I do find them attractive and the communication is brilliant, but when it comes to actual relationships, as in dating, I always get cold feet. When I’m not with him, I miss him and want him. But once he’s with me I just want him to back off. Our situations are different, because I know that I’m both sexually and romantically attracted to girls. If you don’t feel sexual attraction towards them then you’re not gay or bi. And you said you’re pretty sure that you’re sexually attracted to guys, so you’re not asexual either. So it’s pretty reasonable to assume that you do like guys. And as for that wall... Men and women are different. I, as a girl, find other girls familiar and safe. Meanwhile guys are different. I don’t know what to expect from them and can’t relax in their company. It’s really stupid and completely uncalled for, but sometimes I do feel a bit threatened by their presence. Hence the wall. I’m not trying to insinuate that you feel the same. But maybe on some unconscious level it has something to do with that familiarity or the lack of it. Or maybe you just haven’t met the right guy yet? I don’t think there’s actually anything you can do about it now, except for giving it some time and seeing what happens next. Getting to know other people is rather easy. But when you’re trying to get to know yourself – that’s where all the hard work starts. Good luck with it(*hug*)
