Ok, hello so i feel like im losing confidence in being gay, no wait like an identity crisis more or less like when i came out before as bi to my family and friends (was 16) it felt odd like i was still hiding, my feelings always leaned more towards guys (have never thought about girls in that way) but i still felt a need to hide though (before this, 14-15) i liked gay porn but also watched straight and lesbian (when my parents found out i watched gay porn, they asked me if i was just "experimenting", i said "yes") i know that porn is not really a basis for determining my sexuality but until recently i have come to terms with that, so when i watch straight porn i would always looks towards the males and love the different positions but with lesbian porn i loved the way it seemed they felt connected and for some reason more loving, ok now when i came to this new school this year (2013-14) i became attracted to this VERY outspoken and sorta-rebellious girl who went there and i kept thinking whenever she spoke i would say "she is hot" it felt odd, like it scared me alittle, so we got more emotional towards each other, telling secrets, talking about home life, other friends and her passion being a track star (it was mostly her talking and me listening), then i went around the school that we went out which we didn't but i felt a NEED to go out with her like something forcing me to and being like something to hide behind but then i broke it off it felt like i finally saw who i was (i could never imagine myself being with a girl when i got older and when i did imagine myself being with someone it was always a guy) and that my attraction to her was because of my admiration for strong women, very strong-willed, outspoken, and courageous (for example my mom, wonder-women hawk-girl) anyway, a reason i broke it off with her is because i had stronger feelings for a boy at my school(ended badly, will share next time)but i FINALLY came out as gay to my family and friends and i was happy but now sometimes i have thoughts of sex with women which creep me out, also sometimes when my straight friends talk about well vagina it kinda disgusts me (no offense to any lesbians or straight people) and i say to myself i dont like girls because im gay but when i came out i felt lonely and wanted a bf but i suddenly have no interest in well looking at guys or thinking about them and i wondering if im just gay to make myself happy? ok FINALLY done, sorry this has been on my mind for a while and had trouble finding the correct place to put it done at
It certainly sounds like you're still gay. There's a big difference between fantasies and reality. You can have straight fantasies, possibly because you've never "been there" with a girl, and that's completely normal. Straight activity is all around us all the time, every day, it's natural to wonder what it might be like - even subconsciously or in dreams. Do you think you could ever fall in love with a girl and spend your life (or even just a year or two) with her exclusively without wishing you were with a man instead? If your answer is "No", then be happy that you're out and proud as gay. If the answer is "Yes", I guess the only way to find out will be to try it, but make sure that the girl is well aware of your attraction toward guys. You'll find out pretty quickly whether it's for you or not, so don't worry about the label unless it feels the opposite to what you imagined. Hope that helps slightly. Peace be with you.
thanx for replying didn't think anyone would, i would probably not be able to be with a girl without thinking of a guy, thanx again dude
