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Thoroughly confused…..Gay, bisexual, straight? She’s just not the one?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lotsofquestions, May 24, 2014.

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  1. From all that I have researched in sexuality: heterosexual vs. homosexual vs. bisexual, there appears to be one consistent theme throughout. Where we all fall on the scale is more fluid and gray, rather than on one polar end or the other. I am a 31 year old male, and currently in a relationship with a female. We have been dating approximately 6 months. She is cute, funny, loving, emotionally supports me, we have a lot of fun hanging out together, and the sex is great.

    Two days ago, I had the strong urge that I needed to break up with her, before I broker her heart. My stomach was turning, my heart racing, I was dizzy, and felt terrible. It is the worst feeling in the world.

    This feeling has happened once before, about 3 years ago when I was engaged to a girl. I had the same sort of feelings, and eventually broke off the engagement.

    Okay, I will try and get to the point here. Ever since I was little, I thought I was gay. I remember at a young age watching tv shows, and seeing men, and getting a feeling in my stomach, in the pit of my stomach, that I believe was attraction. I tried to talk to my family about it, I was about 10-12 years old. It was dismissed by everyone. At the age of 16, I dated a girl for about 3 years into college. The sex was amazing. We hung out all the time, she was an emotional rock, and we had a lot of fun together. I ended the relationship at the age of 19, as we were in college, at the prospect of seeing and hooking up with other girls, etc. But, about the time I broke up with her, I also had that same terrible feeling in my stomach that I have now with my current girlfriend, and my previous one.

    I didn’t really date, or have any serious relationships for several years. There were a few girls I absolutely lusted over, but it the feeling wasn’t mutual. I still all this time had a feeling as if I was ‘different’. I didn’t feel as if I was the same as some of my male buddies, I didn’t pursue women the same way, etc.

    I dated a girl for about 3 years, and eventually we were engaged. I knew that was wrong the whole time. I knew she wasn’t the one, but wanted her to be the one. I had those same overwhelming, physiological feelings as I talked about above, and ended the relationship.

    After ending that relationship, I really started to question my sexuality. I can admit that I do find some men attractive. I have seen men, and had a pit in my stomach of attraction. I am not sure if I have ever had that feeling when looking at a woman. However, I do know I am sexually attracted to women. I am aroused by them, I think about them while masterbating, enjoy sex with my girlfriend, an I am sexually attracted to her body. I have been battling with this in my head for years, but more so over the past 3 years. Am I gay? Am I bisexual? Am I straight? Is she just not the one? Shit, I don’t know.

    Now, to my current situation. I was originally struggling with the notion that I could be gay, by sexual, etc. Now, I really don’t care, I just want to know. There used to be a fear of being gay or bisexual, and the fear of telling someone, but I am moving to appoint where I just need to really find out who I am. I certainly have feelings which I would constitute as gay, but I also know that I am sexually aroused by women, I enjoy sex with them, and want to love a woman. However, when I had that terrible pit in my stomach with my current girlfriend, I just wanted to call someone close to me, and tell them that I am gay. Part of me says I am gay, but on the same hand, a lot of things just don’t add up, and point to me being bisexual or straight. Consequently, I don’t want to start telling people I am gay, bi, etc, until I get a better grasp on it myself.

    I don’t watch gay porn. I don’t have a desire to. I don’t think I have a desire to date, or be in a relationship with a man. I have had a moment or two when an image pops into my head of me engaging in a sexual act with a man, but do not have any desire to pursue it.

    And the final question is, as I am figuring this all out, how do I approach my relationship with my current girlfriend? Sorry to be long winded!

    Help!
     
  2. Aishat24

    Regular Member

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    You know i completely know how you feel when you describe that feeling in your stomach. Im bi im a girl but like u i normally get in hetero relationships. Im engaged right now and i have the same feeling. Its difficult, but you say u dont want to pursue relations with another man and u dont even watch gay porn. If you tell her she probably wont understand. My advice would be to take a break date a man figure things out and make your decision. Do u want to be with her or keep exploring your sexuality.
     
  3. LD579

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    The poster has a deleted account and is no longer on here, so I'll be locking this thread; however, your input was appreciated =]
     
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