I will be frank and I don't want to offence any one reading this post, This is just a confession of my story. I am 24 years old grad stud and I have been struggling with same sex attraction for my whole life so far. I have never had any boy friends because I am so god damn frightened to do so. I also never had any sexual experiences so far. I feel comfortable dating with girls but I am not physically attracted to girls most of the time. Thus I never had any formal relationship with any girls too. Therefore, I am questioning myself. Should I start dating a girl that I am emotionally attached to? I know I will do so anyway. But I feel like I am an irresponsible person to start a really serious relationship with any girls and marry someone, although I am also sure that I will never cheat her and betray her. It is not really an option for me to practice homosexual behavior, because it is absolutely unacceptable for my family, my friends and perhaps, myself. Meanwhile, it is widely known that the health risk associated with having sex with gay guys is unacceptably high. It is also hard for me to imagine how am I supposed to enjoy having sex with guys in the 'typical way' as most gay guys practice, which must be quite painful I think. I don't want to risk my life for it. I want to have a harmonious family and have kids, a successful career and a fulfilling life. I also want to be respected by people who I really care about. Coming from a conservative place, your life will basically be destroyed if people know your sex orientation is not 'normal'. I admit it feels sucks to be attracted to some cute guys, the moment I saw someone who is really attractive to me, I knew I blushed. If the cute guy also happens to be attracted by me and he somehow express his feelings to me in a subtle manner, what I always did is to disappear from his sight immediately and felt profound sadness. The feeling of such crush is sweet but painful, but what can I do? So I am perfectly sure that I am not 100% straight since then. I admit it, I accept it, and I know it is hard for me to avoid being tortured by such feelings sometimes. Therefore, I am sure I will not be able to enjoy any real romantic relationship with guys in my life and I know such sacrifice of this aspect of my life is for the merit of all other aspects of my life. Anybody share similar experiences with me? I know some people may think I am pathetic, but this is the life I choose to have and I believe few of us have lived through their life in this way, certainly with pity. I feel tremendously sad and dreary sometimes, but I know I will go ahead and do what are supposed to be done in my life. Thank you for reading my post, may peace be upon all of us.
Hi there! You remind me of myself... like 6 years ago. I was exactly like you. Knew that I was different... thought that I would never truly be happy... felt totally alone in my family as they were all super conservative, Christian and homophobic. Fast forward to today and I am fully out to EVERYONE. My family is on board. They are absolutely okay with homosexuality. It took years of getting used to, especially for my dad, but they arrived. Some of my other relatives may disagree, but they do so privately because they love me. I love being gay. I wouldn't be me if I wasn't gay. Trust me, follow your heart. Encourage yourself to open your mind. You know you like men. Ask yourself... what's really so wrong with that? Your parents may have an issue with it at first... but if they truly love you, they'll get over it.
