Physically attracted to men, emotionally attracted to women. Help?

So I've known for years now about my sexual orientation: I'm a guy who likes older guys. Recently though I've started thinking about my romantic orientation, which troubles me more the more I think about it.

My romantic experience amounts itself to a total of one girlfriend. We were together for the last month of my exchange year last year, and we were exceptionally close. We're wonderful friends even today one year later, and she's closer to me than anyone ever has been. Being close to her romantically is so easy for me, but I would be lying if I said I felt a sexual attraction towards her.

I've told myself almost my whole life that I'm gay. I had crushes on teachers and guy friends starting even in elementary school. When it comes down to it though, as hard as I try, I can't imagine myself being with another man. When I think of what would make me happy, I think about settling down with that girlfriend, raising a family, and being happy with her. I know it wouldn't be right though, as even as I was dating her, I had my eyes on other men.

So that's my dilemma. To put it in a rather cliché way, my body wants one thing while my heart wants another. I know I can't base a relationship entirely on either one, so I'm wondering what people who are going or have gone through the same thing have to say. I feel like one day I'll have to come to terms and make a choice, but more than to satisfy my own wants, I want to make sure I do right by the person it involves.

Thanks for reading, have a wonderful day

-Þangbrandur

TL;DR I'm attracted to men, but I can only be emotionally close to women. advice?

 

Thanks for the responses I've been itching to talk with someone about it, and it's so good to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

I agree that I definitely need more dating experience, and as you said, all paths, I am still quite young, just recently turned 18. I'm planning to branch out in college and experiment with what I like. The few friends I've told in high school really haven't been able to relate with what I've told them, which made me more and more weary about coming out and telling people that I'd like to try having a boyfriend.

I'm sure that experimenting a little bit will give me a much better picture of what I want and what I like. I still have many years to figure it out, so I don't let it get to me too much. As far as dating androgynous women or effeminate men, it's definitely a thought. Now that I think about it, my girlfriend was emotionally much less effeminate than my other gal friends at the time, which was something I really appreciated. She was in her own words bisexual but mostly straight, and I know she had mixed opinions about her sexuality even while we were dating. Hmmmm...

I'll have to think about it all some more. Thank you all for your help I appreciate it more than I can really convey here.

 

I have been considering this possibility myself for quite some time! I'm still not ready to accept it as an absolute, but it's entirely possible and I'm not closed to the idea. I would actually really like to be brave enough to be able to close the issue, say I'm gay, and let myself enjoy it. I have gone through phases where I do exactly that, but something always pulls me back to my questioning phase; whether it's learning that a girl has a crush on me or thinking about how much I want to settle down and raise a family.

Schmidtfaced, I can relate to you perfectly. It's easy for me to be gay when I'm home by myself or on a forum like this, but the straight image has me by the throat. I'm scared of letting people in on the most sensitive part of my life, and I don't know if I'm ready to take criticism for something I'm still criticizing myself over. That said though, when I finally admitted to myself about 4 years ago that I was 'at least partially gay,' I felt the same feelings of acceptance that you mentioned. Like you, I even had flash backs to obscure memories of my childhood, interests in guy friends that I had in elementary school, new and interesting feelings I felt at slumber parties, etc. that I had completely forgotten.

Chip, what you're saying really resonates with me as well. When I learned that my girlfriend wanted to try being more than friends, I immediately found myself missing the times when our friendship was strictly platonic. I believe that the status change actually hampered my ability to connect with her in many ways. When I think intently on it, I guess I would label what I feel towards her to be, as you said, a desire for close friendship.

The people I've told thus far about my predicament are surprised that I feel the urge to keep all of this welled up. They know that my brother is gay and can point to many gay people around my school and ask why it's so hard for me, when so many people who are going through the same things are being open about it and surviving. My brother and I were never close, and the few people who are out that I've had heart-to-hearts with at my school suggest I just forget about what feelings (whatever those might be) I had for my girlfriend and move on. Perhaps it really is just me making excuses to cling to the straight lifestyle, but I don't really feel like I fit in with the 'gay crowd.' At least not the one I know thus far.

I'm trying to work through it still. Thank you both for your responses