Hi everyone...In reading some other threads I know I am not the first one to post about this. Please forgive me, I feel that I must write this in my own words. I have never really talked to anyone about this, always just "joking around" or I say something and no one takes it seriously. The thing is, I don't know if I am bisexual or gay or straight. Not to put labels on anything, but I am just very confused. I have never had a serious relationship (I am 23), and I think that is mostly due to that fact that I push others (men) away before they get too close. I don't know if I am just scared or if I am more attracted to women. I am definitely attracted to both men and women, but I feel more of an emotional connection with women. I don't have much experience sexually with either gender, and I feel that I cannot know who I am for sure until I have those experiences. Has anyone else felt this way? I can imagine myself in a relationship with either gender, but I don't think most people understand that. I think that most people feel you have to be either straight or gay, and bisexual is just a label people put on it when you are figuring things out. I feel that my friends and family would be supportive if I came out as a lesbian, but less understanding if I identified as a bisexual. I have had some bad experiences with being bullied in the past, so I have a wall up for most people I meet. This doesn't help when trying to form relationships with people. I feel very alone and sad most of the time. I think if I can figure out who I am, then I can start to feel more confident in myself and maybe let my guard down a little. It feels good to write this all down, this is really the first time I have told anyone all of this. Thank you for reading and any advice is appreciated.
It takes some people years to figure out who they are, and it only make take others a few days or weeks. Every person is different. In the end, just be who you are and do not hide or change yourself for anyone else. Please do not be someone you are not.
I really don't want to be someone that I am not. I want to be me and if I can figure that out then I won't be ashamed to show it. I just don't know how to figure out who I am. Is it our experiences that help us narrow it down? Am I alone in feeling so split about what sex I am attracted to?
I don't think you're alone. For some people it's very clear-cut and they quickly figure out which gender they area attracted to; for others they are very clearly attracted to both; but for many of us this is a gray area and it's hard to say, after years of convincing yourself you're something you're not, what's fact and what's fiction in your narrative. Ultimately it's our experiences and our circumstances that shape our identity. I think you are placing too much stress on yourself to find your true orientation though; first you say that people will be less accepting if you're bi vs. gay, and then you say that if you figure it out you'll be more social and outgoing. These things might be preventing you from finding the answers you want: keeping people at a distance is something you're going to have to tackle independently of your orientation and that's going to make it both harder and easier. Harder, because you now have two independent problems to solve: you can't narrow down your sexual preference and then magically become more open and social. Easier, because the problem becomes simpler if you don't attach artificial strings to it. I hope that you take the time to get to know yourself better, but don't put too much stock in discovering your orientation; it is what it is, nothing more nothing less.
