I have salient questions regarding my sexual orientation.

Good day, everyone! I am rather drunk at the moment, but regarding the few things I am certain of, I know that I have pressing questions regarding my sexual orientation. You see, I am merely a young, confused individual who has been having rather strong feelings for a good friend of the same sex for a few months now. To the best of my knowledge, I have not had any feelings for other same-sex individuals, yet I occasionally fantasize about intimate contact with people of the same sex. Prithee tell me, what does this mean? As bizarre as it may seem, I honestly do not feel as though I have enough information to accurately assess and parse through my own feelings at the moment. Any help that could be offered by more experienced individuals would be greatly appreciated, as it would assist me in solving the riddle that is my sexuality. Comrades, what provided you with the greatest clue that you were gay, straight, bi, or whathaveyou? What is the deal with this rigamarole? And, finally, what advice can you offer a young, questioning individual such as myself?(!)

 

Thanks for your advice. It really has helped me start to sort through everything. That, and the fact that I'm sober now, I suppose.

I guess what it really comes down to is the fact that I'm just confused. I'm not sure how much sense this even makes, but the best way I can describe myself at the moment is surprised. Surprised both that I'm probably not straight-as-an-arrow, as I previously thought, and that it's taken as long as it has for this to come to my attention.

At no point in my life before now can I recall ever having had a crush on anyone. I went through elementary school convinced that once I was older, and it was "that time", I'd begin to have feelings for girls, because that's how everyone told me it would be. In high school, I dated a few girls, but not seriously, and although I really liked spending time with them, I basically viewed our relationships as really close friendships, and I never had romantic or sexual feelings for any of them.

"That's fine," I thought. "They're just not the ones for me. It'll all fall into place when I meet the right girl."

After I graduated, I figured that I'd probably start to meet the right girls at university, and so far I have met a lot of nice ones. I consider them great friends, but again, I don't have any sexual or romantic interest in them.

During my first year of university, I got really sick and became pretty seriously depressed. Dating was completely out of the picture, as, given my state of mind, I didn't really feel like pursuing an intimate relationship with anyone. I figured that once I was better I'd be able deal with all of that, and things would just end up being the way I'd been told they were always supposed to be.

I finished second year, and I'm healthy now, and all of a sudden I've realised that I have feelings for this one guy. Not so much guys in general, but just this one friend of mine. We've been close friends for a few years, but I've only noticed these feelings recently. Now I'm wondering, "what the hell? Is this new? Is this something you've been suppressing for a while? What does this even mean?" I guess that's pretty much where I'm left at this point.

Anyway, sorry for making my post long and rambly. Cliché as it sounds, I just want to get everything out of my head and down into writing so I can better make sense of it all. If anyone has anything else to add, I'd really appreciate it. I feel like I have zero experience as far as any of this is concerned. Thanks again for your help, comrade.