Ok so, since I ever remembered I always liked woman. Would peak when my dad watched porn when I was as early as 6-7, maybe earlier. I always liked girls, had crushes on girls and masterbated to woman, even used to sniff my friends moms panties lol. But i was always shy and nervous around them and never had a girlfriend. I went through high school without ever even kissing a girl. Finally after i kissed a girl at 19, i have made out ( at the least) with over 50 girls. My confidence got better, but still nervous and not agressive unless i drink. I still in my time have yet to have a girlfriend, for some reason when i see my friends in relationships that feeling just feels so distant to me. Fast forward, since i ended up losing my virginity at 20 i think it was, i am 27 now, for the record i dont remember the experience that much, i was drunk and hardly felt anything, i have had this problem where i have either not been able to get hard ( 5-7 times) or lost my erection minutes into sex ( 7-10 times). A few times it hasnt happened but i have prematurley ejaculated in those times, after a few minutes, if that. I would always attribute it to whiskey dick because id be drunk off beer. But recently i couldny get hard to a girl sober and another time lost erection during sex sober. Now, let me get to the worrysome part, since i never had sex til 20 or kissed a girl til 19, all i ever knew was porn, my brain was wired to get aroused by this. I quickly escalated into fucked up porn, for a few years all i could get hard to from porn was incest porn. Then that no longer did it for me and i got into shemale porn bad, all i really watched for years. Eventually acted out and did everything imaginable with shemales over 14-15 times, heres the thing though i never had an issue getting hard but i did premature ejaculate alot. I have heard the buzz is so high that is why i would get hard. Growing up i never thought of men never once questioned my sexuality or had crushes on men, the thought of even kissing a man would make me nauseous, i have gay aunt btw and have no problem with gays. Maybe some friends may have joked i was because i was so shy and nervous with woman and a late bloomer to the scene. But anyway i found a site, yourbrainrebalanced where the majority thought i was straight withh bad porn addiction so i have not watched porn for 30 days not even busted a nut in that time. Honestly the shemale temptation has faded, sure they would attract me but i dont have the urge like i did anywhere near that. But the problem is i think i have developed hocd, from my experience with shemales and history of erection problems and shyness from woman. When i see good looking men now i get nervous because i notice that they are good looking when in past i woulld be jealous of them cuz they could get girls. A side effect from not masterbating or porn is loss of libido or "flatline" i feel nothing of a sex drive pr anythinh toward woman, they could be naked and nothing i think, nothing toward men either just nerves that i know they are good looking. Also i havent gotten morning wood or random erectioms in years so went to doctor and they said i have really low testosterone 220. I mean could this be why i feel asexual and girls dont do it for me anymore? Please what am i?
Part of me is scared that I am straight and my mind is just so strong it has convinced me i must be gay, i have severe ocd most my life and on some medicine for it low mgs tho. Its like my mind is refusing to let me believe and stay believeing i have always liked girls, evn though besides the erection problems, shemale escalation and shyness , everything in my life has told me i have. But my mind comes back and tells me " only because society has conditioned you to be that way, even though you never thought of men in any way sexually growing up you are gay"
just feel that i would have had some type of inclenation that i could be gay or bi before 27 years old
Thomas. I am going to let more experienced folks comment on your big questions. I just want to say I hear your pain and confusion. I am going through mine own now too. At least you are still a young man. I am not. I am sorry for the struggle you have had with porn and the confusions this has caused. There are lots of supportive people on this site so keep talking and searching. I am sending you a hug. Josh
Hi there, and welcome to EC! I see that you've already started a thread similar to this one. It would have been helpful to post in that thread - where everyone's comments would be together. 'Chip' has responded to your other thread - I'm wondering if you've read that and what your thoughts are around it. You haven't really referred to anything he wrote in this new thread...
Hey man. I am kind of in the same ball park. I ve been straight my entire life...I watched a lot of porn (not shemale) but I did enjoy a lot of incest porn just like you...and one day I started questioning obsessively and thought that my attraction to women disapearred. I also got shitloads of perfomance anxiety while sometimes I jizzed in my pants with several women. The obsessive questioning went on for a year or so... It still hasnt dissappeared completely, but I am getting better. This is what I did. I stopped caring, gave up masturbating for a week or so and eventually got aroused by girls solo. The problem is... that even though I am aroused by lesbian porn and women by themselves easily and even though I am pretty sure I am straight or at least i the straight spectrum, I still get those intrusive thoughts while masturbating and I end up suffering through masturbaton rather than enjoying it. I hope I ll get through this sooner or later and at least have good sex with cialis or something. Anyway you mentioned your low testosterone levels, and they might be the reason for your obsessive questioning...
Its complicated. There have been times when my dick would ejaculate several times during foreplay sessions with a woman and there have been times when I lost my erection or felt not hard enough...
I mean is it possible to have been gay my whole life without knowing it, literally not having a gay thought my whole life , and then 23 just watching shemale porn and meeting shemales in real life, still only shemales not men, then just recently noticing good looking men, not getting aroused just nervous noticing them, man hope this is hocd, never had a girlfriend either
just curious, how did you come across a 'heshe'? do you mean a pre op transexual? a hermaphrodite? im suprised you are able to find these easily that look/talk/act like woman but have a dick. did they say they were born a woman?
It's quite possible to be gay and not realize it until your 20s or 30s or later. As for HOCD... that designation is horribly overused. There's no such than as standalone OCD focused on homosexuality. If you have OCD, then it is possible that a focus on whether or not you're gay could be one of the ways it manifests. As Jim points out, I've already addressed this in another thread. Please confine discussion to a single thread.
First off I'm going to advice you against using the word "shemale". It's very offensive, and if you ever called a trans-woman that, you'd probably get bitch slapped. And with that out of the way I'm going to tell you that you sound like the straightest straight guy to ever live. You made out with over 50 girls. Unless you hated it the whole time, you aren't gay. And those transgendered women you where masturbating to are still woman, and when a man likes a woman, it's straight.
Sorry, for the terms shemale, you are right that is offensive. Back to the original question, I hope you are right. Just based on being staying soft with over 6 woman and never with transexuals, plus doing very homosexuals acts with the transexuals, giving oral, recieving anal, etc. Although when i stopped watching porn those urges subsided. Plus never having a gf and being nervous and shy around woman. I hope with all hope you are right! I'd love to be the straightest of straight guys.
