Could a single-sex school have actually made things worse?

Everyone matures at a different rate. I doubt highly that your going to an all-boys school focused your attention away from girls and onto guys. It might be that your focus was on your school work, sports, hobbies..etc. Some guys don't really start to focus in on sex until they are a bit older like it sounds like you are.

And its very unlikely you were the only other one from primary/secondary school that has crushes on guys. Typically that environment isn't one that fosters an open mind to experimenting with your friends.

When you see yourself getting romantically involved with someone, are they male or female? Start from there and work towards finding the answers to your questions.

 

Maybe you were surrounded by uninteresting people. When have you seen someone having a crush on subjects they consider boring? Never. It's always "Her hair was so shiny", "His smile was earth shattering", "I love her brain", "He's such a sweet talker"...

 

You probably just didn't find anyone to whom you were attracted. Everyone matures at a different rate, like Hyaline said. It's definitely possible! I don't think that your going to an all boys school changed your sexuality, but I think it could be possible that the environment prevented you from exploring or realizing any of your feelings, if you had any. I myself attend a single-sex school. I don't think it made me queer.

Nope, you're definitely not alone. Statistically, between six and fifteen people in your year were not straight. Although many or all of them may not have been out, it is statistically likely that they exist.

Now, to your final question. Could a single sex school have actually made things worse? I don't think it made you not straight, if that's what you mean. I think it could have made it harder for you to accept yourself. I think it could have made it harder for you socially, not knowing many people who were out. But, no I don't think single sex schooling could have changed your sexuality.


Best of luck! Keep us updated~(!)

 

My view on this may not be popular. Among Catholic schools, they are either single-sex or coed high schools, with more being coed or having converted to being coed. I can say that I saw slightly more people from the single-sex schools who turned out to be gay or lesbian. I said slightly. In some cases, the parents or family traditions pushed for these schools. In other cases, the students picked them themselves. Perhaps, these students knew by the 8th or 9th grade they wanted to be in a single-sex environment. Usually, the single-sex schools had better academic programs. Note that there were some students who, on the other hand, said 'there's no way I'm going to a school that is all guys (all girls).' I think there is a correlation, but it's slight and not that noteworthy.

 

Depending on how long you were with the same students, there's also the Westermarck effect to consider. It's a theory that's based on the concept that people that are genetically more similar are genetically more compatible with each other, and nature predisposes you to look for a partner similar to you as a result, but to prevent inbreeding, you are somewhat repulsed by the thought of getting together with someone you were raised with. If you were with the same group of students all day, for several years, this could have happenned....

 

One thing you might have missed is that not everyone is able/willing to come out. For whatever their own personal reasons. So the number could still be 6-15 and you'd have no way to know for sure. Then again, in that group there could have only been 2-3. I didn't find out I had other gay classmates from High School until it was well passed my 10 year reunion. So that # in your class that you know about might grow with time.

In truth, you are right, it probably doesn't matter. You are who you are regardless of your surroundings. People come from very accepting same sex couple homes and are straight. People come from emotionally oppressive environments (religious/bigots etc) and still turn out to be gay. This is why, you find so many of us will say it doesn't matter as it is part of who you are rather than the sum of your experiences. Of course some would disagree. You'll have to make up your own mind about that..

 

And there's those of us that went to weird schools where the drama club students, band, and choir students were more popular than the jocks. And, yes, at least at that school, the LGBT stereotypes of those groups were at least somewhat true... :icon_wink

 

I went to an all girls school and didnt realise I was into women until a year or so after I left. Not one crush or inkling of it. I look back now and have NO idea how I managed that, ha! Late bloomer I guess.

 

I was thinking about this the other day that the lines are far more blurred now than before. While acceptance is likely higher, it has to be difficult to navigate who is and who isn't on your own team. Reading young people's struggles now, it seems just as tough, just in different ways.

The ones from my school were in all of the social groups. It would have been interesting if we had been able to share when we were there. It would have undoubtedly helped us all... But that was the late 80s, early 90s and it was really before that was all out in the open.

 

I wondered the same thing. Throughout grammar/middle I went the whole run without having crushes on guys, in fact I pretty much swooned over every girl on at least one occasion. I even had a girlfriend, once upon a time. But my environment changed, I went from co-ed to all-boys. I don't know why, then, I started noticing things about guys and now I'm obsessing over one of my close male friends, when before I had only noticed girls... I mean sure, I'd thought some guys were "handsome" or "muscular" but all guys do that.

I think in my case, although I was romantically attracted to girls, I wasn't sexually. On the other hand, I'm interested in other boys in both ways. But for you, I would probably just attribute it to late blooming. A lot of boys and girls in my old school, as well as some of my friends in high school, were just not interested in relationships, and it might be the same for you. Perhaps, being in an environment surrounded by males just made you realize more quickly... I'm in the same boat as you, so all I can say is don't work yourself up over it.

 

In the late 90s in general, people weren't generally as accepting as they are today either. I just went to a weird school.