I know this has been discussed many times, but I'm in a strange situation. I'm stuck in this endless cycle. It goes a bit like this. "I'm so confused I really don't want to be bi, I just want to be gay. I really don't want to be stuck dating guys" "Yay! It appears like I'm not attracted to guys. I guess I'm gay after all!" "Wait, wait, wait. You're still confused. How the hell can you call yourself gay when you've only been with one guy? You shouldn't let one experience convince you, you don't like guys. Maybe you don't even like girls. Maybe you just don't like kissing." "Ugh, I don't want to be gay. Being gay is disgusting. You don't even belong in the gay community. Maybe being with a guy and being bi isn't so bad." "Oh my god! I think being wih a guy isn't so bad! Oh my god I'm starting to notice hot guys. I've been confused all along. Maybe all this has been a phase. I'm so confused. Maybe I'm just bi."
People know their gay because their only attracted to the same sex and aren't with the opposite , doesn't matter how many men you've been with in the past or slept with . it's how you feel in the now are you attracted to both or just one sex is all that should count .
I have never been with a woman and am very confident that I am gay. It sounds to me like you might be dealing with the hormone torture that our bodies put us through at that age. You at least have first hand knowledge of sleeping with the opposite sex. Nothing you wrote is unusual for someone struggling with themselves. The bigger questions are, how do you feel about the sexual attraction to males and females. What do you see yourself when you think about having a romantic relationship with someone? Are they male or female or does it switch? Maybe you are bi?
I've never actually slept with a guy. The furthest I could go was kissing a guy on the lips. If sleeping with a guy is anything like that kiss I don't want any part of it. I sometimes get ambiguous "attractions" to guys, but whenever I get the chance to actually do something I just don't want to do it. I still kind of enjoy flirting and cuddling with guys, but that's it. I don't know if this means I'm not attracted to guys at all or if I just haven't found the right guy. I have zero experience with girls. I have been hit on by girls a few times, but I didn't really like any of them.
Part of me really does think you're a lesbian who just sees some attractive appeal in men, and that's normal.
You're going from "i don't want to be bi" to "yay i'm gay" to "being gay is disgusting". Hmmm... it sounds like you are dealing with a lot of negative emotions associated with those categories (duh) but you need to just stop thinking that any category you fall into is a bad thing. It won't define you; you just have to be honest with your attractions. Part of my current ongoing confusion is because of years spent convincing myself that I'm noticing guys in *that* way, and I've conditioned myself over the years to think about guys this way until I don't even know what *that* way is anymore. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone. If you find yourself saying "hmm guys aren't so bad!" that's not nearly the same thing as "omg i love guys!" Rationalizing your attractions is confusing in the long term and won't make it easier to accept yourself.
Sorry, I misread your original post to mean that you had experience with guys. I've had attractions to girls before too, but it is usually in a friendly way. Like they are pretty/fun/etc.. Something about them makes you want to be around them. But I haven't ever had it go past just being friends. It might be similar with you and guys (though honestly, most guys in the their teens and 20s just want to get laid). So they are more than happy to shower you with attention and affection if you show the slightest bit of interest. You just need to redirect that into something that makes sense for the parts of you that has a sexual attraction to other women. I have no doubt some hottie somewhere would love to scoop you up and take you home. you just have to find where she lives...
