Upon my initial intentions to come out to my mom, I backed out. I got scared, and couldn't do it. I know she won't be upset, and she'll accept me 100%, but that's not the problem. I constantly tell myself that I'm making this up in my head, like it's not real. Like I'm just convincing myself that I'm gay. Whenever I think about being in a relationship with a girl, and spending my time with her, I get a brief moment of elation, so I'm sure that must tell me something, but I keep turning it over and over in my head. With guys, I don't really feel like I want a relationship with them. Maybe the brief "relationship" I had with one back in junior high was enjoyable solely because I loved the feeling of someone caring about me, I guess. I mean, I didn't even KNOW the guy, really. I just loved the feeling of being cared for and thought about (something I didn't feel I got much of at home at the time). Anyways, recently an acquaintance of mine has been struggling with coming to terms with her sexuality. I wanted to yell out "I'M GAY", but I couldn't. Something in the back of my mind keeps saying "you've never been with a girl, what if you get into a relationship and realize it's not what you want?". I struggle with that a lot, but at the same time, I want someone to know SO BADLY. I want to be open about how I feel, but at the same time, coming out is so permanent that I don't want to make a mistake. Then, if I don't come out, I can't really BE in a relationship with a girl anyways. It's an endless cycle of confusion. Sorry about ranting again... has anyone else ever felt this way? I just want to get as much input as I can before I finally tell my family.
Well if you feel like that towards girls, but if you also feel like you would need to "experiment" in a relationship then i say go for it girl
Coming out is one of the scariest things you can do. It is totally normal to feel conflicted and your reaction to such a scary situation is totally okay. When I was about to come out, I started to have scary doubts and to feel like I was making a mistake. But then I started to realize: If I wasn't trans, why would I be having these feelings? Would I really put myself through this voluntarily? So ask yourself. Would you be happier with a girl or a boy? If you were totally straight, would you feel this way? If you're not ready to come out, you should wait a little longer. However, I know how frustrating that can be. It's totally normal to be scared and to have doubts. It's part of a big decision. but it sounds like your mom would react well so I think you have nothing to worry about!
Thanks for this! I know that I wouldn't have been killing myself over this for the last year, and I hate talking with my friends, and knowing that they're totally unaware of such a HUGE aspect of my life... I'm old enough now that I should have settled what I like and don't like, but I feel like I need to think about something for eternity to convince myself that it's true...
My only advice is to come out to yourself first. It sounds like you aren't quite there yet. You will be at some point regardless of what you choose to do. After you can stand in front of the mirror and say it out loud to yourself without reservation is when you are likely more ready to tell your mom. But you won't have to convince yourself it is true, it will BE true... if that makes sense.. As far as your friends. Odds are, your friends don't tell you everything either. I hated hiding it from mine all those years, but the true friends will love you no matter what. When you tell them it will test how well you have chosen your friends. Be patient with yourself.. you have plenty of time to figure it out. It isn't a race, but the goal is something worth working towards..
Thanks for this! I've been thinking about it for about 4 solid hours tonight, and have concluded that though it may not be the exact right moment, knowing me, the exact right moment to talk about my feelings will be never (it's been a year already). I'm going to *TRY TO* tell my mom how I feel tomorrow, and talk to her about it. I know she'll be open with me (as she probably already suspects it). At least this way, it won't just be me and my thoughts anymore, it'll be me AND someone to offer insight on my frustrations.
It took me almost 2 years to find the words to say it out loud.. And even then, I still wrote it to my mom in a letter.. For me saying it out loud was that "time I knew I was ready"... Only you know when the time is right, I know that sounds all cliché and stuff, but in truth, it is different for each person. If she is going to be supportive, having her as a sounding board will be a huge boost for you assuming you can talk to her. It took me many years to get to that point with my mom. Though she went well past it and asked me what a butt plug was for one afternoon. I knew at that point there was likely nothing I couldn't ask her that she wouldn't be able to be honest and open with me. Plus you mom knows you and she probably knows you as well as you know yourself..
