Hi. I'm so confused about my sexuality. So fricking confused. I grew up as a normal straight lad. Playing kiss chase with the girls, playing rugby and football, fighting, fantasising about marrying girls, having crushes on girls etc. I never had any inclination to the same sex at all. I went to an all boys school and started puberty around age 12/13 and my sexual desire for women developed. I was crazy for their boobs and arses (never vagina, they kinda grossed me out). I had 3 girlfriends, all to whom I was extremely sexually attracted - I'd get an erection when were kissing or hugging and stuff. At the age of 15 I had my first sexual experience - a topless girl gave me a blowjob (man that was a good night), and i was crazy for her tits again... but wasn't that bothered about seeing down below. Started dating another girl soon after. Had a few more great sexual encounters with women - gave oral for the first time a while ago and really enjoyed it (although I wasn't desperate to go any further and my erection died as soon as I went down on her). I had never had any kind of homosexual desire, this is bearing in mind that I was a sexually mature rugby player and air cadet (meaning I'd been in situations where gay guys would be aroused and felt nothing [showers, rugby matches etc]) who went to a boys' school. I started developing personal issues unrelated to my sexuality (anxiety depression etc) in September 2012, and in August 2013 I started to doubt my heterosexuality. I dropped out of school in September 2013 because of my personal issues (sexuality was not a factor at all). I am now attracted to males and not females, I've started noticing guys more and girls far less. I'm not sure if I'm sexually attracted to girls any more but I don't think I am. It's freaking me out and (no offence to you guys intended) I'm just not sure I want to live my life if I'm gay. I've lost all motivation to study, work, or do anything. Part of my confusion about my attraction to women is the fact that I've never really wanted to have sex with them, even though I've wanted to do 'stuff'. In the past gay porn made me feel sick and I couldn't watch it, now blowjobs kind of turn me on I think- although it still makes me feel disgusted. I'm not a homophobic person and neither are my parents, in fact my father has in the past told me he couldn't care less if that's how I turned out. It's just not how I want to be - I've always wanted to keep my mates male and my sexual interests female and it's how I saw my life going. Again I don't want to offend anyone here - I've been a firm advocate of gay rights since I've understood what difficulties you face - it's just not for me. I realise that you can't tell me what is up with me, but I would appreciate it if you could share any experience you have with this kind of stuff and give me some advice. Thanks
First of all, stop freaking out. Breathe. You will be fine. If it turns out that you are gay, then that's fine. If it turns out that you are not, that's fine too. I can't tell you whether or not you are gay, only you can figure that out. Some questions you can ask yourself are: Besides sexually, what gender would you want to have a relationship with? What gender attracts you the most physically? (physical and sexual attraction are two different things) It is ok if you are attracted to both genders (bisexual), or if you are attracted to one gender sexually and the other romantically. (you would want to have a relationship with them) As for not being attracted to female genitals, not everyone likes the same thing sexually and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. Good Luck!
Hey, If you want my honest opinion, you don't sound gay to me at this point. Slightly curious maybe but not gay. There is nothing wrong with being curious, I am gay and curious about sex with a girl because well its something new to me and I talk to my straight friends about their sex lives and I want to know what the fuss is about. However I think i'm the wrong side of the kinsey scale to act on it sadly. Also not every gay person is into anal sex so it stands to reason that not every straight person is into vaginal. A lot of straight people have tried stuff with guys or think about it, they just don't talk about it because they see it as taboo etc. Have you had sex with a girl before? I am guessing maybe not. As I said, my straight friends tell me about their sex lives and they don't all lick girls out or even finger, they just slip the condom on and go at it. Also ask yourself, are you worried about getting a girl pregnant. There are a lot of factors for you to think about but don't worry about curiosity.
The machinations of the human mind are still largely a mystery, even to those who study it. For one thing, there are so many variables that can affect the way we think and feel - genetic, biochemical, and environmental. Gaining an ironclad understanding of your own situation is probably unlikely. In the end, it might be easier to just accept that fact that your orientation (or at least your understanding of it) seems to be changing, and see where it takes you. Don't be afraid of it. It's just another of life's adventures.
Thanks for all the responses. Strangely now that I'm allowing myself homo thoughts I'm not 100% sure I desire them or not... ahah. Sexuality's a bitch, right?
I feel like I'm not attracted to women, yet I get boners seeing/thinking about them.... what the hell
I think it will be all about finding the right person, regardless of gender. The sex thing can solve itself later...
