Hello, everyone. I have a long story to tell and would like unbiased advice (as far as my tale can be unbiased in and of itself). My friends, needless to say, let their advice be tinted by concern for me and I don't know if they weigh all the facts when hearing what I have to say. I recently broke up with my partner of 7 years. Shortly before that, an old friend came back into the picture. The story of said old friend is this: We met this guy three years ago when we were going through a wild phase and meeting guys for three ways. The friend had just broken up with his first boyfriend a few months prior after. Before that, he had spent years toeing the line as a "straight" man, having been with a couple of women and even in LTRs with them. This person became a regular third and became very close to us both. For some reason I can't explain, I began to develop feelings for him. As a result, my partner cut all ties with him requiring I do the same. I really wanted to be friends with this person, but my devotion to my partner outweighed that wish. For two years, we didn't see or speak to this person with the exception of a few texts when he heard my partner was in the hospital and he wanted to see if he could help. That being said, my partner and I broke up over his infidelity and his apathy toward my feelings on the matter, as well as a year+ of him refusing to pull his weight financially. My partner blamed the old friend for the breakup, although many of our other friends had already said they saw an end coming, long before the old friend returned. Now, my partner and I are split up. It's a full blown breakup after I found out he screwed around on me behind my back, not once, not twice, but MULTIPLE times (tested neg shortly after I found out, thank God). And now, the old friend and I have begun to associate more... freely. Although the friend and I have had sex since the breakup, he has told me that he is more comfortable with someone joining us for now. I'm not sure why, but that's what he has said. We fool around a little bit from time to time, but in general we're took friends looking for threesome action. That's our sex life in a nutshell. Socially and emotionally, he texts me all the time. He called me one night and we talked for near an hour, in spite of the fact that he says he almost never calls people on the phone. He frequently flirts with me, and even talks about doing things in the future. For instance, he was out of town this week and he told me about a restaurant he and his friends went to and suggested we go sometime. He has even entertained the idea of a vacation to one of his favorite cities later this year; just the two of us. I know I don't want a relationship right now. I have fun with this friend, both sexually and non-sexually. The problem is I like to know where I stand with people. Considering all of these factors, does it seem like he is just keeping his distance so that I can get over my ex and sort out my feelings, or does it seem like he is stringing me along for the sake of his own amusement? I have honestly never known him to be a cruel person, but I'm getting so many mixed signals, I can't tell if he might not be screwing with me. Thoughts, anyone?
Hmm, from what you've said, I don't see the problem here - just a flavor of FwB. Maybe something might change, but he's not looking for a relationship and you're not looking for a relationship. He enjoys the fooling around, and you enjoy the fooling around. You guys flirt and get along well. You seem like good friends. Sounds great! You worry that he's suggesting activities that are just the two of you, but if he's single, likely he's looking for chances to do things like restaurants and trips with friends, and sometimes with only one friend. Otherwise being single can get quite lonely! What do your concerned friends say?
My real question is whether or not he's just messing with me, what with the preferring threesomes "for now" as he put it. I don't know if he's using that as a buffer since we're both not looking for a relationship right now or if he's using me to have his fun with these other guys. He's way more attractive than me, so could have any of these guys he wanted by himself, but he wants to get with these guys WITH me. We've talked about it, and he's not hooking up without me and I'm not hooking up without him. We still mess around when it's just the two of us sometimes. My friends say that I shouldn't be tied down at all right now and be free to hook up if I feel like it, but I like this friend and am pretty comfortable with the arrangement. I'm just the type that likes to have an idea where something is going. If he's stringing me along, tt will hurt me more in the future than if I were to know we weren't going toward anything. He refers to his "side of the bed" at my place, and like I said, is always flirting with me. He even gets a little jealous (though he covers it by being playful) when I hang out with other gay guys. It's just that he acts like there would be something wrong with just the two of us having sex, rather than the threesomes.
