Hi long story but here goes im 27 ,male and struggling with my thoughts im currently severly depressed over fears of being gay i have been married no kids and divorced few months ago but split two years ago these thoughts have been with me for two years or so amd at first easily dealt with but gradually they have worn me down to the point of suicide i was a major cocaine user and was one of the reasons of divorce since the split i wnt on a two year drink cocaine and ectasy filled journey of pure madness when completly out of it id be thinking about being gay etc and would find my self spaced out and staring at a male friend this has caused rumours to be spread around my area that im gay i now have pulled myself away from seeing anyone and since february i havnt touched drink or drugs the thoughts of gay are obsessive i cant look in the mirror without telling myself im gay if my hair is a certain way i think i look gay i cant wear certain clothes i cant butter a piece of toast with out thinking im doing it in a gay way i cant make eye contact with anyone i have severe anxiety and its so hard to explain but i dont feel myself what so ever i have to constantly find things of reasurance i masturbate to straight porn daily and once its over for a brief 5 minutes i feel sort of my self
Do you want to have romantic relationships with men or women? Do you want to have sex with men or women? If you don't know, try to imagine yourself in different situations, with a man and then a woman. This was a major tool I used to figure things out. You also may want to look up the Kinsey Scale, if you haven't already. That is also helpful. Also, lay off the porn. Maybe try masturbating without porn to a man one day and a woman the next. The type of porn you watch doesn't necessarily reflect on your sexuality. (*hug*)
Thanks for reply I want to have relationships with woman i have been seeing lots of different woman recently a couple of them i have struggled to even perform with due to 1000s of crap going on in my head i ave been visting prostitues all for one reason really reassurance to me being straight i want to have sex with woman i dont look at men and think i wanna have sex with them i just look i think out of habit now to check if im attracted to them when i m feeling confident i laugh at myself and my attraction to woman seems to come back then i think to myself see your not gay then bang the doubts start then back to square 1 im never relaxed i have severe anxiety and cant seem to function even my hands feel weird its hard to explain im sorry this probably is confusing i have done the kinsey scale 100s of times with the same outcome in the middle and if i change 1 answer to who am i attrated to male or female if i sayfemale it says im 100% straight if i say i dont know its in the middle any advice would be appreciated
