I just can't really get my head around this. I'm pretty sure I'm gay now, but unlike others that I've heard talking about how they realised their sexuality, I never had a clue age 17. I've been around naked guys, slapped towels in the showers, played rugby etc and never had any notion of same sex attraction. A good looking gay lad came on to me at a party once and I wasn't even tempted - but now that's all different. What confuses me now is the fact that I had been in love with an ex girlfriend until recently, but now I'm starting to realise that it wasn't really sexual.... well, I was certainly attracted to her, but I don't think i wanted to bang her. I couldn't get this girl out of my head and it took me like 2 or 3 years to get over her... i just dont get it. Something else that confuses me - why, when I entered puberty and my hormones started raging did i not become crazy about sex with either sex? I mean I can understand that people would repress feelings of attraction but i just didn't have any to guys - which i do have now. ---------- Post added 2nd Jun 2014 at 04:51 PM ---------- I was thinking about the whole kinsey scale thing but in general i just dont think i want sex with women... confused
Sexuality is a very confusing thing. I feel that the more you wish to understand it, the more buts you'll find to either deny or support your orientation. Maybe what you felt towards that girl was a very emotional bond, it has happened to me, twice, but I never felt anything sexual towards them. It was hard forgetting them, but now I know that what I felt was real love, was in fact a platonic love from my part. I'm not saying this is the case for you, but maybe it is. I can only recommend you to try and not think to much, do not use logic, use your instincts and heart to decide.
Thanks for the response mate. Can I ask what you felt towards these women so I can compare? Like i was desperate to kiss and touch this girl and look at her and shit haha, but we weren't together for long enough for sex to have been an option... idk if i would have wanted it
One of the main sources of confusion is our notion of sexuality as a fixed and unchanging entity. We do say we are born this way, and this is true. This does not mean however that we are fully one thing or another. It's a matter of degree and it is also a matter of where you are in your life. The difference between being 17 and 18 does not appear huge, but at these ages, it can be. Certain things in one's personality start to crystallize and become clearer. I also obsessed about a girl when I was about 25, had no clue I had gay tendencies, even got married at 33 (at that time, I just thought these feelings were some kind of fantasy, I was totally convinced and certain that I was heterosexual). Yes we can love women in our lives, as deep friends, but sexuality is another matter, and it is important to honour it in ourselves (my main mistake was just that: ignoring my sexual impulses and attractions and dismissing them as unimportant). Just look back at your life a little, you will notice patterns, I assure you. For example, how many girls have you dated, compared to your hetero friends? Was it you or your ex-girlfriend who initiated the relationship (who asked who out first, for example?). These can be important clues...
No problem man! This happened when I was on middle school, at the top of my puberty, I found this girl very attractive. She had a great body, she was cute, very nice personality and we were friends. I wanted to kiss her, touch her, heck I wanted her to be my girlfriend! But, like you, I never had any sexual desire, so after some time the feelings went away.
If I may provide my story to provide more "comparisons", I was infatuated with this girl back when I was younger. She was attractive and cute and I wanted to go out with her or so...I thought. When we met up again in h.s. (when I had more time to think,) I was able to recognize that I saw her more of a best friend to me rather than somone I could see myself having a future with.
Cheers guys. Helpful to hear. I'm still so confused, i can sort of relate to the stuff that you've said, randy and kubuki. I don't know, I guess it's not a quick thing to realise how I'm feeling, it's not clear cut for me at the moment.
It won't be a fast thing, at all. You just need to let the time make you understand your feelings. Like I said, I don't believe giving it too much thought is going to help, take your time and enjoy things without thinking about it too much.
