Boyfriend is having bisexual fantasies and I'm worried!

Hi all! I am new here, and in desperate need of your thoughts and advice. Please forgive me for being long-winded! You can catch the "bottom line" at the very end and by-pass the novel if you'd like.

Okay, background: My boyfriend and I (female) have been dating for over a year now and have been talking about marriage and having a family more and more frequently. We live together and have a very close, intimate relationship. He and I have found in each other the coveted trifecta in relationships: sexual satisfaction, complete friendship, and head over heels romantic love. We have a very happy and healthy relationship!

During the "we're getting to know each other" time period, my boyfriend shared with me that, in the past, he has been sexually aroused by gay male porn, has watched and enjoyed it (at the time), and masturbated to it. He brought this tid-bit up when we were discussing sexual histories and fantasies, and since we try to have a very open and honest relationship, I didn't think much of it at the time. I mean, everyone has fantasies! And I'm glad that he loves me and trusts me enough to be completely honest with me about things he has been too ashamed to talk about to anyone else. The least I can be is supportive, tolerant, non-judgmental and understanding.

Well, the issue that I am now concerned about is the other night. We were discussing fantasies and sharing ones that we have never told anyone else before. For him, he nervously admitted that he's had many bisexual thoughts and fantasies and worried about my reaction. Once I assured him that we were in a "safe place" in our relationship, and that he could tell me anything... He described a few graphic ones involving him giving and receiving both anal and oral sex from a man. Of course, I was taken aback because I didn't realize that kind of bombshell was coming, but he went on to say that he's fantasized about being with a man many times and it turns him on tremendously.

I was very calm (again, trying to have an open and trusting relationship) and wanted to ask questions to clarify his intentions? I guess? I asked him if he felt attracted to other men... if he has ever imagined being with a man in a sexual manner that did not include me (a female presence)... if he would want to kiss another man on the mouth, etc. His response was pretty straightforward (pardon the pun!). He explained that although he has many fantasies about other men (and transvestites) and has even gotten off to those thoughts from time to time, when it comes to actually trying something or taking real-life action, the thought of it weirds him out. He also gets weirded out immediately after he orgasms when he is engaged in those types of thoughts, which he explains that since the sexual moment is over, he doesn't want to think about "that kind of stuff".

I'm sure I might sound silly to more sexually open-minded individuals, but I am sincerely concerned. I love this man more than anything. I want nothing more than to marry him and have a family with him just as we talk about and plan. But after he shared such graphic fantasies, has revealed to me that being with a man is something he thinks he would like to do (but is pretty sure he couldn't actually do because it weirds him out), and has requested for more sexual exploration in our relationship (purchasing a strap on, for example)... I am worried that his bisexual fantasies mean that he may actually be bisexual or gay and is experimenting with me because I am being open and encouraging with him.

I am straight. Very hetero. On the kinsey scale, I'd be a 1. Sure I've had fantasies about other women and find it very sexy, but if it came down to it, I would never be with a woman just because I prefer to be with a man-- sexually, emotionally, romantically, etc. So, I don't want to judge him for having similar thoughts and fantasies and conveying (for the most part) that he doesn't want to try these things, but enjoys the fantasies.

So, what I would like good people that read my lengthy novel, is to share with me your thoughts on the situation. Questions I have include:
- Am I being "biphobic" because I was caught off-guard about his specific fantasies about being with men?
- Should I be worried that his fantasies are more than just sexual fantasies that are happening in the moment, and he is being like most men who often have fantasies about other men?
- Should I talk with him about my thoughts and fears? I don't want to make him feel embarrassed, but I do need some clarification as to whether he would ever wish to ACT on his fantasies or desires of being with a man, or even another woman, because that is a boundary I am not prepared to ever cross...

Bottom line: My boyfriend has bisexual fantasies and thoughts and wants to discuss his fantasies and explore them through role play with me (using a strap on). I am concerned about whether he would ever want to try these things in real life, even though he says that he would "most likely be too weirded out" and he's thought about being with a man before many times and "that would never work". I want to satisfy and please him, but honestly, I don't want to be left for another man (or woman) or be the one where he tests out his sexual theories. I am terrified of getting hurt! I just need to know if this is a serious thing I should worry about, or assure myself that he is just exploring his sexuality with me because he loves and trusts me completely.

Thank you for all your help!! Sorry again for the novel...

 

Thank you all for your input. I really would like to talk with him about it and get more clarification on his interests in exploring these fantasies and thoughts and where I fit into that dynamic. Again, I want to be supportive! The last thing I want to do is discourage him from sharing with me in the future things he believes will "run me off", because that was a very specific reason why he was hesitant to tell me. He said, "I don't want to come off as gay". ... But I'm sensing a lot of inconsistencies, obviously. Is it okay to just ask him about it??

 

Hello awesome pearls of wisdom givers! I thought I'd give you an update, because I hate not knowing the ending when I read threads!! So, to satisfy everyone's curiosities about how I fared with my "bisexual fantasy concerns" talk with my boyfriend, here are the highlights:

- although he felt very awkward and nervous, my bf was able to further discuss his thoughts and feelings about his bisexual fantasies in detail.

- he said that he does not have bisexual/gay fantasies on a regular basis, and that it is only 2% of the time when he's bored with regular porn (he masturbates on a daily basis) and wants something new. He insists that his fantasies consist of mostly me or both him and I together, but when on to explain that sometimes he "just feels kinky and curious about other things because they're taboo". To him, the "taboo" of being with a man is the alluring part, but he doesn't actually want to be with one.

- he said he's watched gay and transvestite porn and it gets him excited, but after the sexually stimulating moment is gone, he feels "guilty", "disgusted" and "gay". When I asked him why he feels guilty (bc I don't want to judge him for what he finds to be sexually stimulating, I want him to be honest and unashamed), he said that he is not attracted to men that way. That literally, his gay/bisexual thoughts and fantasies stem from seeing a sexually stimulating situation. He also explained that he has no emotional attraction to men, has no desire to be with a man in real life, and believes at most he is "bi-curious" bc he is only fascinated with the male genitalia, and gets "grossed out" by everything else attached to it.

- I made as many attempts as I could to encourage him to explore his curiosities about men, if he felt he peReceived himself as "bi-curious"(bc I love this man! I want him to be happy and unashamed of who is is. If he's attracted to men, ok. I don't want him to be ashamed of who he IS.), but he adamantly opposed. He said he had zero interest in experimenting with anyone else other than me, and the fact that he trusts me enough to share these types of "kinky/fetish" fantasies with him makes him feel relieved because I accept him and his (to me) odd fantasies, which makes him more comfortable and less awkward about being open about his sexual desires.

Soo... Bottom line, the bf is a self-proclaimed heterosexual male who is has decided he is bi-curious because of the occasional gay/bi-sexual fantasies. However, he is very happy in a heterosexual relationship and has no interest in real-life experimentation with other men or women, and would prefer to keep sexual exploration between the two of us as a couple. The best part is, he now feels unashamed about sharing his "bi-curious" fantasies with me because he feels accepted and loved, just as he is.

Thank you sooo much all of you for your amazing listening, understanding and support!! ) best wishes in love and life to you all!