A therapist once told me that for people who aren't 50/50 bisexuals there is often a broader range of attractions to members of the preferred gender: so if I am predominantly attracted to men I would be attracted to a wide range of men but only a certain type of women. The problem with this is that I don't think I ever was attracted to the majority of men or the majority of women. I've determined that the majority of my confusion surrounding my sexuality is that I've never been attracted to all men or all women. My strongest attractions tend to be for people outside the binary, or at least not strongly identifying as male or female. That's not to say that I'm not attracted to cisgendered people, but I was never attracted to very "manly" men, and always worried what it said about me that I wasn't attracted to guys who were perceived as handsome. Conversely, I was never attracted to very feminine women, so I didn't suspect anything because I had few/no crushes on friends growing up. As I've gone back and forth wondering what attracts me, I think that emotionally I tend to gravitate towards people either more in the middle or having some characteristics of both: tomboy/butch women, gentler/softspoken men, DFAB genderqueers, and trans men. I think this is helping me because I have been so confused trying to figure out which end of the binary attracts me more; but maybe there's another way! Does this make sense? Or am I overly dissecting everything? Is this a form of trans* insensitivity? ---------- Post added 4th Jun 2014 at 01:09 PM ---------- This would also explain why I had more crushes on boys before we all grew up and hit puberty; then they stopped being as innately attractive to me as they became more sexually dimorphic. And from what I hear this is the experience of other women attracted to masculine female-bodied people.
Bisexuality is very fluid and changes, so I wouldn't worry too much about who you're attracted to more. You know that you're attracted to two genders and you seem to have attractions to trans* individuals also, which could make you a pansexual maybe. The point is, you know that you have attractions for both, so I don't think you need to worry so much about who you're attracted to more. I find it makes things overly complicated after. Hope that helped a teensy bit...
Thanks for your response. I guess I've assumed that bisexual people either have a broad preference for one gender or the other or are attracted to people who are well in the binary. Not being attracted to people who are very masculine or very feminine has been confusing, because I've felt like I didn't have a strong attraction to most people, but I think that thinking outside the gender binary box has helped me figure out my genuine attractions.
