Hi, my name is Khaila and I'm almost 16 years old. When I was about 13 I had my first crush on a girl. I'm not really sure what makes something a real crush or a girl crush but I did feel something. At the time I kind of brushed it off as me wanting to have a crush on a girl friend because I had been reading an abundance of JORI fanfiction. It's been a few years since then and I find myself questioning myself more and more. I don't know if I'm a lesbian or bisexual or asexual or pansexual or straight. Rationally I know that I don't have to "label" myself to a specific sexuality but I hate not knowing. I hate that I don't have a set label and I hate that I'm automatically assumed straight because I don't have another label to give people. I realize that this is just one big ramble but this is the first place other than Tumblr that I've just been allowed to get it all out. I want so badly to discuss this with my best friend or my mom (I don't think she'd react badly, she's told me that she doesn't care whether or not I have a girlfriend or boyfriend.. although that was in a joking/probably serious manor). I don't see myself married to a man in the future, I guess that should be my first indication, although I do find men attractive I'm not really interested in having a romantic relationship with one. But does that automatically make me a lesbian? Please offer any advice and I can always respond to the thread with more information about my situation and feelings but if I don't post it now I probably won't stop rambling.
It's ok for you to be confused and not sure of your sexually. I can't answer the question of whether or not your a lesbian, the only one that can answer that question is yourself. I know that for me I wasn't able to figure out my sexual orientation until I stopped analyzing my emotions, and just went with it. I know that you say, you understand that you don't have to have a label, and hate not knowing. That is fine, and it is perfectally acceptable for you to feel that way. Labels do have their purpose and make things easier, but when your not sure of your feelings and try to categoriize them, it can make it harder to know what to idenitify as, this is what i learn from my own personal experiences so it may not apply to you. For me when I was actively trying to label myself, I was rationalizing my feelings to hold on to the idea that I could be straight, and it allow me to stay in denial of my sexuality. When you not sure of what to label yourself as I think It better to fight against the urge to label yourself, or use a temporary label until you firgure yourself out.
