I'm 17 and obviously female I was always a tom boy as a kid mistaken as a boy and was happy about it. I was always a boy in play pretend games. I went through a bi-curious phase when I was 14/15 and kissed a girl 3 times. I didn't really think this girl was pretty but I must of liked it a little if I did it 3 times. Then I decided I was straight and carried on with my life. However, when I was 16 I was drinking with like my whole high school year and me and my friend who is a girl made out (with tongue) in the bushes and later on I asked her to come back and do it again and we did it twice then. I also had a lesbian friend who I would think about kissing and I had a dream about her holding my hand this one time. But, I don't know if I like boys or if I tricked myself into thinking I do. I kissed a boy the other day and was so grossed out I just wanted to go home. I didn't feel comfortable with him touching me at all. Then I thought back to the other boys I had kissed and remembered how much I didn't find it fun or enjoyable. Except when I was drunk last year and got fingered by this guy and I was turned on then but I was really drunk. I had been fingered before by this guy and I made him stop because I couldn't get wet. It seems like the only guy I would willingly have sex with is Justin Bieber. But I was reading up on it and people say it's just how straight girls have the girl they would have sex with. I broke down the other day after the kissing with the boy because I dont want to be a lesbian and it's stressing me out! I'm having all these urges to kiss girls and have sex with them. I just feel I don't connect with boys on an emotional level. I feel as if I'm one of the guys. Although because of social pressures I dress girly and stuff like that. Is it possible that for some reason (even though everyone I know would accept me if I was a lesbian or bi) I have suppressed everything? And now it's all coming through? When I see a hot guy in real life I will look but I wont be thinking about having se with him. Maybe I want to BE him not Be with him? But at the same time I don't look at girls. It could be because I don't allow myself to? But it's the same if I do see a pretty girl it's like do I want to BE her or be with her? But when I see the butch kind of lesbians I don't want to look like them but I would have sex with them. Please help :bang: I thought this was all over when I was 15 going through my bi-curious phase but apparently not because I was obviously still thinking about girls in between then and now. What are the signs of being in denial? How can I figure this out? Thanks so much
While you may not like it you sound lesbian to me Oh and think about your feelings towards girls and guys, don't try and figure this all out in a day Good luck
You sound lesbian to me but give yourself some time to accept it And I totally know how you feel about looking at hot guys. I'll think "damn he's hot" but then don't think anything else about it. When I see a hot girl, different story.
I do think you sound like you're a lesbian, but you're the only one who can tell for sure. It sounds like you're having the whole "attraction vs. admiration" problem. I'll get that every now and then, I can't tell whether I have a crush on a girl or if I just want to be around her. It takes a little bit of time and thinking, but usually I can figure it out. You just have to imagine if you would enjoy dating them. Not just the sex portion, but the romantic portion to. There's also no set list of signs for being in denial. Personally, I see denial as someone who has realized they are LGBT, yet continues to date the sex they are not attracted to in hopes of changing themselves or making it disappear. You seem to have realized your bi curious attractions, so I don't think that's denial. Take some time to think things over, and talk to the people on here, there's no need for you to figure out everything right now. Also, don't take your drunken encounters into serious consideration. People do crazy things when they're drunk, very little of them intentional. You can remember them while considering your sexuality if you think you were sober enough to make conscious decisions, but from the way you described it, that wasn't the case.
I would say explore these feelings even if it means dating some women to help you compare your emotional feelings for women vs men. When you graduat and go to college (if that is your choice) join a lgbt group and get in the community. You sound lesbian, but then again you were drunk during all your encounters. So I can't really give an opinion. If I was you I would explore being with a girl while sober. Wish you the best! Take your time.
I am more convinced you are lesbian than bisexual or straight. You said you have been grossed out from kissing guys, i noticed how you've had these successful and liked experiences with girls, as opposed to guys. I would say you're lesbian, only because you don't really seem to like guys romantically or sexually. Nor have you mentioned dating one. As Elanor said, think it over. Take a break, just try to focus on your studies and future and see how you feel naturally. I noticed you do a lot of saliva swapping, have you ever tried getting to know a guy or a girl personally other than knowing their lips? (no offense, i know that sounded rude) have you ever genuinely wanted to know a guy or girl better? Try that. As for sexually, you seem to be more interested in girls, but as for as romantically, it seems empty. Figure out what's really important to you. I know it's difficult, especially being in high school as well, most people either find themselves, lose themselves, or question themselves, but that's what we're here for, to support you, so you DON'T lose yourself.
