Hello friends. I'm a 17 year old boy and I'm having some confusion on my true identity. I think I know why I developed the way I did, but some help would be appreciated on those who have had similar experiences and what they did... I always found it easier to make friends with girls. 90% of my friends since 6th grade have been girls. And I'd be hesitant to call most of them "girls". Nonetheless, that's the point when I started differentiating myself from my peers. I had no interest in what boys would be interested in at the time, and that has persisted to this date. I never played any sports, found it very uncomfortable to talk to other boys about girls in a sexual way, never really liked talking about girls to anyone in general, in "that" way if you know what I mean. Felt I was weird because it seemed everyone else liked to talk about who they wanted to "bang" and what they were doing with their girlfriends or whatever. Being a fairly shy and laid-back kid without any colloquially "masculine" interests, I found it much easier making friends with females. Anyway, I feel that I have an emotional attraction to girls but a sexual attract to boys... I still picture myself in many years with a wife and it feels to me that is type of life I want. But, I am not really sexually attracted to girls in the way I am to boys. I constantly find myself checking out boys and whenever I meet one, it is almost an instinct for me to review their appearance. I can't really start conversations with other males, I usually let the other person do most of the talking. The situation is different with most girls who I find much easier to talk to about everything. So I am a bit confused on what I feel like. I don't like most boys because of their interests, intelligence, personality etc. but they can be really hot to me and I have all sorts of fantasies about that. I see myself with a smart woman later in my life, one that I would love spending every day with. But I don't know if this is a result of how society treats homosexuals and I may be afraid of that life, or because this is what I truly want. Most of these thoughts have been kept inside, I haven't really talked to anyone about them. I've never kissed anyone or done anything sexual with anyone before. I am a pretty talkative kid in class and school and the very rare time I'm out with one of my friends but I rarely initiate conversations with boys. I am hoping this is just a phase. Whichever gender I end up leaning towards I'd just like to know where my "interest" lies.
Hey there! Maybe because you see other boys in your grade as "other", only talking about who they want to bang, you don't see yourself getting emotionally involved with any of them. Once they get out of that space, they might not think like that; also once you go to college/the real world and meet older men with concerns other than which girls they find hot, maybe you'll discover a real connection with a guy. Or maybe you will find a girl you're attracted to. But it sounds like emotional attraction to shallow immature guys is impossible for you at this point in time; that doesn't mean that you won't meet quality guys eventually. Good luck!
Our stories could not be more similar. Honestly, I was surprised at all the similarities I saw between myself and your post. Unfortunately, I have the same confusion about all this stuff. I don't have any answers, but I hope you find encouragement in the fact that you aren't alone in this disorienting situation. I guess give it some time, and see where life brings you, that's my plan at least. Don't get frustrated about it though, it will just make everything worse
I am in the exact same situation. Pretty much every detail lines up with me, except that I have a pretty fair amount of friends of both sexes. I've always been disgusted by how guys constantly talk about women and all that, but that is more out of respect for women and having better morals about what makes a good conversation. I've always been small and weak, never "butch" or manly. I've fantasized about having gay sex countless times but can't bring myself to imagine actually coming out as gay and spending my life with a man. My family is normal and nobody that I know of in it is gay. I'm afraid to do it alone and, at the same time, destroy the calm, orderly, and normal environment. Who am I, though, to say that it is less normal to love a man than a woman? ---------- Post added 22nd Jul 2014 at 01:03 AM ---------- I am in the same situation and doing the same thing. I'm not in a position right now where I can "experiment" with either sex and see which one I prefer. I'm just waiting for it to pan out.
