So I'm a 20 year old female, and I'm completely sure that I'm physically and emotionally attracted to women. So much so that I could probably identify as a lesbian. However, I'm having a hard to figuring out what my feelings for men are. I used to get "crushes" on guys, but they were mostly platonic attraction and any "romantic" feelings were mostly of forced or misconstrued platonic attraction. I do find the occasional guy attractive, from time to even experience sexual attraction towards them, but I would very rarely want to do anything about it. If I do want to do anything with a guy my thoughts are usually, "I'd love to get to know him more, have intellectual conversations with him, cuddle and watch movies, and then have a snowball fight" and thats it. My thoughts for guys seem to be wanting a guy best friend, not boyfriend. (There has been one, maybe two guys who I have considered dating, and perhaps even saw in a romantic light, but I wonder if I just confused strong friendship compatibility for romantic attraction.) I think I can safely identify as lesbian who is occasionally attracted to men. However with one or two of the guys who have "crushed" on I can't tell if my feelings of caring and love for them was platonic or romantic. Its sort of in the middle. Butt I think I might just be using this as an excuse to justify the fact that I lied to not only myself for years, but also my best female friend. Since senior year of high school my best friend and I have talked about guys, among other things of course, but I was so deep in the closet that I was ignoring the little voice in the back of my mind telling me I wasn't being true to myself. I had low level attraction for men, which I exacerbated, and then convinced her and myself that I had "normal" attraction to men. However, the problem now is when I come out to her, if i am in fact a lesbian and not bi, she's going to have a difficult time believing me, and thats my fault. Once I've realized my attraction to men wasn't as strong, I still kept talking with her about guys because the way her face lights up when she talks about guys is adorable. (haha, yeah another slight problem is that I seem to have a crush on her, but we'll save that for another day . . .) I've tried my best to down play my attraction to men and just ask her questions about the guy she likes, but she still thinks I have strong feelings for my "guy crush". Anyways I think I answered my own question here, and ended up just ranting, but any advice is still more than welcomed
Take some time to go over your feeling, although you do sound 100% lesbian. Also just because you think a guy is cute doesn't make you any less lesbian, if someone's cute they're cute ^.^
First of all, awesome username! Doctor Who AND Sherlock! Secondly, I can totally understand what you're going through. When in the closet, it's really easy to talk to people about the opposite sex as if you're interested, just because it's always a really exciting conversation. I don't know what it is exactly, but it creates a connection between both of the people in conversation. However, if you're going to come out to her as a lesbian exclusively, you won't have much of a choice but to explain to her somehow why you would would talk about guys so often. You don't have to make a big testimony out of it, just a short simple statement. Maybe say "I was trying to convince myself it was true" or something. Either way, if she's a good friend, she'll understand. I used to talk about guys with my friends, but it was more because they got so excited if they knew I had interest in someone. I did it more for them than anything else. Good luck!
You liked guys, find them attractive nonetheless of when you do, you're bisexual in my book. There needs to be more girls like who want to get to know others and share intellectual conversations, i'll love that. Have you tried that is the question though, have you tried with a girl? what do you see in a partner? your ideal mate. Would you be comfortable if a guy fit the bill? The big question is, what is it about guys you don't like that makes them unattractive? if there are actual reasons? then it's because you simply haven't met the right guy to woo you and sweep you off your feet, if it's more along the lines of "I just don't" then the proof is in the pudding. Tell your friend before it's too late, she deserves to know, don't just say it, but explain it. Focus on girls since that's where your mind is set at, don't beat yourself up. If you meet a guy, you find him attractive, say something to him, see where it goes, but in the meantime, just set your heart in a comfortable direction.
You sound lesbian, or homoflexible, or bi with a strong leaning towards girls. Call it whatever you want.
