Hello everyone !:icon_bigg I know that you must be tired of that kind of thread but I need help... So here my story, I am questionning my sexuality for more than one year. I think I might be bisexual or lesbian I don't really know. My first girl crush was when I was 7 or 8, I was obsessed with my horseriding teacher. Then at 12 I had my first "boyfriend" because at that age it's not really dating.. But I still had a lot of crush on girl, like I was admiring them, feeling happy if I saw them ... Since that I had never have another boyfriend... I don't know if I even had real crush on guy or if it was just to do like everybody. A couple of guy ask me out but I always find excuse and said no. But during this period I was a little bit of a tomboy and I had real crush on girl. I slept with a guy once but I don't know, I don't need to do it again I feel like it was ok but not extraordinary. Then last year, after watching TV I realised that I always fancy girl in a movie or a tv show and I m turned on when their lesbian relationship. And in parties I kissed a lot of guy but I don't fancy them. So I began to watch lesbian porn and I m into it.. But I was ok with straight one too even though I was always watching the girl. I never kissed a girl or date one. But everytime a cute girl speak to me I 'm not comfortable, I blush and sweat. And I recently read stuff about HOCD and I was thinking maybe I like the idea of being gay but I not really gay. As you can see I m really confused for the moment and I was looking for advice. How did you know it wasn't admiration but attraction ? Thank you for your help !! (sorry for my english it's not my mothertongue):icon_redf
Hi, and welcome. I hear nothing in what you've said above to indicate you're straight, and very little to indicate you're bi. I hear a lot that indicates you're attracted to women. I also hear absolutely nothing in what you've said to indicate any obsessive or compulsive patterns. While OCD certainly exists, it is a pattern of obsession and compulsion that generally extends toward multiple compulsions or obsessions; there's no such thing as "locking doors OCD" or "not standing on cracks OCD" and, likewise, there's no such thing as "homosexual OCD", except to the deluded folks that also believe in reparative therapy for gays. So unless you have severe obsessive or compulsive tendencies, you can toss that idea. As much as you probably don't want to hear this, my guess would be that you have a normal and natural attraction to women. You may not be 100% gay, but I'm not hearing much that would indicate strong attraction to men.
Thank you Chip for your answer! It's true that when I first read about this HOCD I find it weird. I was thinking about it because I am maybe a little bit obsessed with my sexuality right now. I think it's time to me to accept who I am but it's hard. Especially because I don't know any lesbian.Plus I dress really girly so people assume I'm must be straight. Thank again talkingabout it really help
