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Can lesbians be attracted to guys?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by kay14, Jun 7, 2014.

  1. kay14

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    I think I'm a lesbian but I have been aroused by guys before. Once when me and this guy went into the bushes when I was 14 and he touched me over the clothes (he was in my age range) and I remember getting wet from it. Then another time when I was really drunk and got fingered by this guy and I was wet then. I thought I liked this guy. He would pick me up and spin me around and spoon me etc. But I think I liked the attention because after speaking to my friend she even said that when I told her about hi nothing sounded sexual or anything like that.

    However, I got fingered by a different person sober and couldn't get wet. And went on a date with a guy and hated it. I kissed guys and felt nothing.

    Iv'e kissed girls before and I think I had a crush on my lesbian friend. I wanted her to kiss me and hold my hand etc.

    The thing is I can't see myself growing up and marring a woman. I see myself with a man 3 kids and a nice house. Because that's what iv'e always been taught. I also cant differentiate between Liking a girl or wanting to look like her.

    Any help would be greatly appreciated :kiss:
     
  2. Closetdress

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    I have a guy friend that can't get up for a girl, but gets hard when he hears talk about a dick, but he hates dating guys and he wants a family one day. Its all what you feel you want, what
    Wether its sex or love, boy or girl, do what feels right for you.
     
  3. Fallingdown7

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    Physical arousal isn't the best indicator because women get aroused to anything and everything. What's most important is mental attraction.
     
  4. Closetdress

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  5. spockbach

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    I'm not sexually attracted to men at all, but I have had the desire to kiss one gay man. Other than that, I personally have never known physical desire for a male. However, I don't think it is unusual for a woman who identifies as lesbian to have real, genuinely sexual feelings for men. Of course it happens. It happens to gay men, too: Sometimes a gay person just has a physical reaction to someone of the opposite sex. That doesn't make him or her any less gay! Same goes for straight people; one crush on a person of the same sex isn't going to rob someone of his or her heterosexuality.
     
  6. Tetra

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    Yeah, I'm the same. When I was 14, I went out with a guy for a while. It was really fun, but I really enjoyed the attention/attraction at that age. With a few years to really learn who I am and what I want out of life, I've realized that I would rather spend it with a girl.
    Just because you experiment and try out different things, it doesn't mean anything in the end. It's all about what you want.
     
  7. MyLittleWorld

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    Tricky stuff.
     
  8. stocking

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    Like sexually attracted to guys I don't really think so , but you can notice if a man is good looking or handsome but I wouldn't call that attracted to guys . If your attracted to men to the point where you want to sleep with them or date them then you are probably not lesbian .
    I know , I'll get a lot of hate for saying this but last time I checked aren't lesbians exclusively attracted to women ?:confused:
     
    #8 stocking, Aug 22, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2014
  9. itsAli

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    You can be attracted to anyone. A label isn't a strict box to shove yourself into, it's just something you can identify with. My best friend is a lesbian and she's friends with benefits with a guy. Don't force yourself to be confined into a strict box. There are no do's and don'ts of any label okay :slight_smile:
     
  10. stocking

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    So can someone identify as bi and not at all be attracted to both sexes since there are like no rules or anything . just asking out of curiosity ?
     
  11. itsAli

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    The labels are there as a guideline, like my friend, she's mostly attracted to girls, however there are a couple of guys she likes so she I.D's as a lesbian.
    Don't feel like you need to stick to strict rules because of your identity, it's okay to like people.
     
  12. stocking

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    You did not answer my question if someone is not attracted to both sexes and just one can they identify as bisexual just answer with a yes or a no do you think the same thing applies that they do not need to follow strict rules in this case as well ?
     
    #12 stocking, Aug 22, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2014
  13. itsAli

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    See, now I feel like you're taking the piss, if I say yes, then you'll think "What's the point in labels" if I say no You'll think "Then why does that apply with being a lesbian."
    I'm really bad with my words okay, and I feel like I'm going to mess up pretty badly trying to explain all of this.

    I think you can identify as any sexuality that you feel applies to you, you can be a lesbian, but still sometimes like guys and same with gay guys.
    It works with any
    Sexual and romantic identity are completely different, you can be sexually attracted to one gender, but not romantically attracted to them, which is why I think it's more of a guide. Instead of saying I'm "A hetroromantic homosexual" you can just use bisexual.
     
  14. stocking

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    But in this topic people are saying a lesbian can be sexually attracted to men or both sexes yet still be lesbians I'm not talking about bisexual people . I am talking about someone that has no attraction to both sexes and only one if labels don't matter don't mean anything puts people in a box .

    Can a person who has no sexual attraction to both sexes and just only to one sex can they identify as bi ,does this rule of labels being strict and boxy also a apply to them .
    Since according to what some have written lesbians can be bisexual yet gay at the same time . I do agree with what you said that if she does have attraction to one man then she's still gay, but I do not agree with several men and being lesbian can she identify as lesbian, but the fact if she actually a lesbian that' s actually up for debate and is the real question . Because anyone can identify as anything they are not and no one can take away anyone's ability to identify as anything, surely they can disagree but they can't stop them . So let me ask again does the rule apply for someone who is only attracted to the same sex and not both sexes being able to identify as bi , if they wanted to or felt like for whatever reason , and is the bisexual label and saying bisexuals have to be attracted to both in order to be bisexual boxy strict in this case as well and labels don't matter in this case and we are putting this person in a box telling them they have to be attracted to both sexes as well ?
    Because we often here saying lesbians are excessively attracted to women boxy and strict ?
    Can't we say the same thing about being bisexual and attracted to both sexes also being boxy and strict ?
     
    #14 stocking, Aug 22, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2014
  15. itsAli

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    You have to be attracted to the gender your label is for, that's the whole point. But bisexual people could be attracted to non-binary and transgender people as well. The label is just a way to say "I am mostly attracted to ___" but it doesn't mean they have to rule out other genders.
    I mean, of course if you identify as a lesbian and MOST of your partners are men, then maybe that isn't the correct label for you.
    But if you're a lesbian, but make an exception for a couple of guys that's cool.
    You can be bisexual, mostly attracted to one gender more than the other, and sometimes make exceptions for non-binary folk, that's cool too.
    That's what I mean ._.
     
  16. blueberrykisses

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    There is a difference between how you identify and your actual sexual orientation though. If she likes a couple of guys then your friend is bisexual, probably a 5 on the Kinsey scale, she may however choose to identify as a lesbian because she mostly loves women and plans to settle down with one or whatever. She's practically not a homosexual however. So in this sense, yes, lesbians can be attracted to men - however they aren't scientifically homosexuals.
     
  17. stocking

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    No but you said labels don't matter ?
    So apparently the strict rules apply to bisexual you saying they have to attracted to both sexes in order to be bisexual is also you boxing the person in and telling them they have to be this and applying strict rules to them ?
    Far difference from when your saying a woman can be lesbian but attracted to men sexually and the rules should not apply and it's to boxy .

    That sounds a bit unfair to me if labels don't matter and mean nothing then shouldn't everyone be able to call themselves whatever they wanted even if a person is only attracted to the same sex it shouldn't matter if their attracted to both or not ?
    and if they are attracted to both but identifying as lesbian there are no rules saying they can't be lesbian .
    So does one gets a past and the other doesn't funny that labels don't apply to anyone yet we see one being restricted when it comes to the bi label .
    Now I understand labels don't apply to some but others will be held down with strict rules of a label . So mutlisexual people can get away with calling themselves whatever they want but not monosexuals .
    And a lesbian can be bisexual and gay at the same time .So only people who are attracted to more than one sex can label themselves whatever they want and else who is monosexual everyone will be held by strict rules of labels . I understand now
    Thank you very much Ali for answering my question .
     
    #17 stocking, Aug 22, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2014
  18. itsAli

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    I'm sorry, I'm really bad at explaining myself and I messed up my wording. Please don't attack me for it. I have trouble explaining myself, especially under pressure.
    I'm just going to leave this now, okay?
    Okay
    I'm just a person, I don't use a label because I don't like them, I like a person, I may want to sleep with them, I may only like the idea of having a relationship with them.
     
  19. stocking

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    It's ok Ali I'm not either ,
    Sorry for being too forceful about it didn't mean to make you feel that way . Don't worry about it it's just a debate so please don't take it as an attack I actual am not the calmest wave in the sea which is one of my bad traits .
    I will do that was well Ali and again I thank you for answering my question . This was not attack I was just curious that's why I asked on what you thought .
    Anyway let's agree to disagree . :icon_bigg
    and thank you again for answering my question that was very nice of you to explain .
    Sorry again i'm a bit too passionate about stuff like this .
     
    #19 stocking, Aug 22, 2014
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2014
  20. itsAli

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    Basically, all I think is if you have a label that 'limits' you to one gender, then it's okay if you're attracted to another every now and again because it's just a guideline