Feeling I'll ruin my lesbian relationship...

But of a long story so I'll try and keep it fairly simple.

I came out when I was 17 and had my first girlfriend (12 years my senior!).

I had had sexual encounters with men prior to this but I had never returned to the same person...even ending a 6 month relationship a day after being intimate with him for the first time.

From coming out I had a fair few one night stands and small relationships as well as a couple more long standing relationships. But in between I found myself falling into bed with male friends.

I met my current partner in 2010 and by 2012 she'd 'dumped' me I don't know how many times but continued to live with me. We eventually stopped being intimate August 2012. Not intentionally.It just stopped happening.

Then June last year I met a man through mutual friends. I ended up going back to his and had an amazing night. As far as I was concerned, I was single. I hadn't been kissed or touched in almost a year. But I also figured I wouldn't see this man again given my previous track record.

Well I did....again and again and again. And I started to fall for him. Especially so when my birth control failed and we found ourselves pregnant.

But it was a stressful time because I was still living with this girl who I didn't know what we were doing.

She found out I was pregnant and went mad. Told me how much she loved me and that it wasn't fair. I let her talk me into going back to her and we would have the baby together. But sadly I lost the baby.

Fast forward to now, my partner is pregnant through donor assistance.

I should be happy. But I find myself yearning for that man. I'm still in contact with him about once a month just by text. But I find myself wishing I could have been strong and stood my ground to stay with him.

I do love my girl. But apart from our child, I don't see anything else for us.

We haven't been intimate since October.

I start to see her more as a best friend.


I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone the other way....lesbian to heterosexual?

I know my actions have been incredibly selfish. But I also find myself thinking she's selfish for locking me to her again.

Stuck between a rock and a hard place...!!

 

She's not the type I can talk to really....

Do you know what I mean?

Like, I hate to say it, but I think she can be a bit emotionally abusive.

It's really hard