Busting out these closet doors, feeling alive and queer

I think repression made me into a miserable person. I'm breaking out of that now, that place in time where I felt no real passions. Attachment or fear of being alone drove me forward in relationships. Those things are not real romance.

As I date more women/queer people of whatever gender, I am discovering a whole spectrum of feelings that I never knew were possible. It's possible to enjoy making out with someone so much your heart wants to burst. It's possible to like someone without them liking you back, and for that to be okay because their happiness is more important than my selfishness. It's possible to be able to see a future with someone but let them go because "just ok" is not good enough. It's possible to love everyone all at the same time.

I'm in an upswing right now where things seem to be making sense. What sucks is that now I see the rest of my life in perspective, and I don't want to acknowledge the other choices in my life that i may have been wrong about. So much has been a struggle and now one thing feels right and now I want everything to feel right and there are so many things to fix.

But it's good. This is a good thing. I just had to share with you guys.

 

It is