Hi, I'm kind of confused, have been for a long time. I don't know, I'd say I may be bisexual but more non-sexual respectively but then again, I'm just not sure. So what makes me think this? I first thought I was asexual since I was 18. I didn't care about sexual stuff in any way. I had crushes, infatuations with boys, even one or two relationships but they were completely romantic, platonic, emotional and not sexual at all. I remember how friends looked at me shocked when I told them thoughts about making out, kissing, etc. never entered my mind. Since then I still had some crushes. Once I got physical with one guy but it didn't do anything for me, nothing at all. But I once fell in love with a guy, it was really deep, but it was totally emotional-intellectual. Now girls, I never considered myself attracted to girls until I was 19. I crushed on a girl but it was purely based on her looks, attitude, way of carrying herself. But I kind of brushed it off, like, maybe I just want to be like her. But when I think about it until this person, I've never encountered a girl or woman that was remotely like her. Most females in my environment were really feminine and the reason I never really considered myself to be attracted to one is because I thought they were kind of air-headed. But then again, if I ever found one who wasn't like that, maybe I could be attracted to her in a less shallow way. I know that sounds really bad, but even with guys, I rarely, rarely fall in love and it's mostly because of that intellectual stuff (arrogant, I know). Anyway, on a more sexual or physical note. I'm kind of grossed out by men's genitalia, not so much by women's. I often thought if I'd ever had any kind of sexual encounter it rather should be with a women, nowadays, I don't know. Expectations, culture. At the same time, I don't feel like wanting to be sexual with women, either but I'd figure it might be easier. It's not that important to me either way. I like to look at both though. I can appreciate beauty no matter who it belongs to. And: I'm not completely, totally asexual. That's why I'd rather look at it this way: Asexual, sexual, hypersexual. I lean to the asexual side of things but not a 100%. I also began thinking about this more and more because somehow there were and are some people who assume I'm lesbian, even lesbians themselves. Back then I felt weird about it and didn't want people to think of me like that. Tried to be more femenine but it didn't work. I get hit on by women often (by men, as well though). And I like flirting with them but sometimes it makes me feel awkward. With men, yeah, I do that, as well, but it's not as easy for some reason. Once somebody assumed I was bisexual and I didn't say anything, just smiled. Because I can't deny I'm attracted to both but in a different way or maybe not, so confusing. I'm not sure. If you can relate, or give me any advice. (BTW, I'm in my 20s)
Welcome to the boards! Empty Closet is a great place. : ) You and I are so similar. I hope you find your answer; I know how frustrating and distressing this can be.
^^^^ I actually read your first thread and thought how it sounded a bit similar to my experience. Thanks for stopping by.
I also notice how so many people seem to know, early on, that they like boys or girls or both. It's frustrating not to have this certainity.
I have trouble understanding your problem, Mino. You seem to be seeking for an intellectual understanding with your partner rather than sex, which is absolutely normal and there are plenty of people out there who aspire to this in a relationship, too. Are you trying to find a way to define yourself? Maybe you can say you're a bi-romantic asexual. Maybe you should stop trying to put words on what you feel, because there's nothing more complicated than human feelings! Just go with the flow, and live your relationships how you intend them without trying to make them fit in a predetermined shape.
I'm the same Mino - I hear so many stories about people knowing early on. Then there's me/you, sitting at adulthood going "Wait this chick is hot???". It's strange and almost jarring. As everyone's been saying to me, I'll say to you - try to relax a little bit, don't put so much pressure on yourself to figure it out. It'll come, and when it comes you'll know. (Wouldn't hurt to try and date a girl too )
