First of all let me introduce myself. Hello, I'm Jay, 17 yo European boy. As the title says i guess I don't know who I am. Typing this while my hand are shaking uncontrollably is going to be hard but here goes nothing. Before the other day, my thoughts on being Gay or Bisexual were not as constant as they are now. Like probably all boys of my age, I masturbate what I would consider frequently frequently, and all the time the pornography was straight pornography. But the other day searching the web I decided to visit 4chan's well known /b/ thread. In there apart from all the other weird stuff I found a lifestyle I've never encountered before, the furry community. It wasn't subtle, in fact the thread was sharing explicit gay furry images. That turned me on more than ever. Since that night I've been wondering what if I am in fact gay or bisexual. I've never kissed someone, and I've never had a girlfriend. But I currently have a crush on a female school colleague. And that confuses me even more. I'm also too shy to ask her out or anything like that. The main question's I ask are: How can I like her but still be attracted to men? If I am gay, how will everyone around me react? I'm more troubled with the first question. Teenagers often make fun of others for anything but I still have time to come out. Also my mother doesn't have any problem with gays and neither do my sisters. My older sisters BFF is gay for example. My father... he lives thousands of miles and he doesn't seem to care so there's that. But the first question again troubles me. Again, I need guidance from someone that understands me to find out who am I. Jay, 17. (Sorry if this text is confusing, I tried my best.)
1. If you're attracted to a girl, too, you might be bisexual. However, you can be gay and still slightly aroused by the same gender. I'm thinking you might be bi. 2. It really depends on the people. Some people will support you, some people will be homophobic jerks. Don't come out all at once, find out which people you can tell and go from there.
You know those funny, kinda ironic "Why did it have to be me?" or something like that? I've been run over by a car once, nothing serious and wondered the same thing. This time the thing that only happens to other people is happening to me once again. Again ironic. I must admit that after writing that text I'm feeling much better.
Hey deviantattitude, glad to see you're settling down somewhat. Writing this stuff down really can help, if only to get it off your chest. Onto the matter at hand- firstly, I can't tell you what your sexuality is, only you're capable of knowing it. However, from what you write I think you could be bisexual if you are also attracted to the girl as well as gay porn (fwiw I think it's unlikely you're fully gay, but maybe bi). Having said that, while men tend to be more, uh... visual in their tastes, porn is not typically the best indicator for sexuality. It could well be that you have genuine attractions to men, but there are other reasons why you might enjoy the porn- because it's new, it's exotic, it's taboo, because you can relate to the participants more or simply because sexy people having sex is sexy. It's not necessarily just because it's men. Have a think on why this porn is turning you on exactly. To give yourself a clearer idea another idea to try is masturbating without porn using only fantasies. One session think about guys, one session think about girls and see how you feel about that after a few times, and then on some sessions just improvise and see where your mind takes you. If you find your fantasies lean more towards girls, then there's a fair chance you're closer to straight, if you lean more to guys you could be gay and if both feature prominently... well, you get the idea. Also, take notice of who you find yourself looking at when you're not consciously steering your head while out in public. See who you're checking out without conscious effort. Doing that might not give a definitive answer, but it might give you a more detailed idea of where you gravitate to. As for the rest, try not to worry too much about it. It's really easy to go in circles arguing with yourself about what your sexuality is and analyse it as if it was a scientific study. Sometimes it's good to reflect on these things, but if you're not progressing and getting frustrated, try and disconnect yourself from a label. Spending too much time thinking about it is really draining, but since it's a) something that is part of your nature and no amount of thinking will fundamentally change and b) something that is only a part of you - that is, one small piece of a massive picture - it's not worth getting yourself too down over. If you can't find the answer, let the answer find you is what I'm saying. And as for people's attitudes to your being non-straight, it's not like you have to tell everyone but to quote Dr. Seuss, "those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind". It's quite a curveball, I agree, so I hope you continue to feel better and find the things you're looking for
Thanks for the reply sam, it helped a lot. Like you said, I cant spend too much time thinking about it. I've been told by many people that pornography is not by far an accurate representative of real sexual activity. And I can acknowledge that fact. Pornography lack love. That simple.
