For those whose ideology clashed with their sexuality...

It didn't "clash with my ideology", but it was something I wasn't used to seeing everyday and I wasn't expecting me to be. I knew I had a strong "gay side" but not what I was supposed to do with it. I had learned acting straight.
Your question has a different answer for every ideology. The only sure thing is that you'll need lots of introspection, to "unlearn what you have learned" and to explore new possibilities. It is a bit difficult but you'll be more confident after that. How's your ideology opposed to being bi/gay?

 

it mostly clashes with my religion and stuff my parents have a big problem with it but i see no reason why i cant be a good little Muslim and be gay

 

You just have to forget how the society wants you to be. Do you feel any attraction towards the opposite sex? Can you deny your feeling to yourself? It's up to you.

 

But how does it make you feel? Strange? Dirty? Disgusted?

 

I felt like this when I first started to admit to myself I was attracted to women. This was before I realised I was trans so I thought I was a lesbian. It didn't feel like me. It kind of clashed with my personality because I had completely rid myself of being a sexual person. Honestly before I came out I was more like asexual. I still struggle with it now to be honest. Part of me can't accept I have sexual feelings. It feels bad, wrong. I guess the way forward is just integrating that aspect of you with the rest of your sense of identity.

 

In my case, my ideology greatly clashed with my sexuality. I had a very conservative, deontological ideology (independent of any religion - I have always been an atheist) which advocated that homosexuality is sinful, simply by virtue of its deviation from the heterosexual norm, to which I ascribed inherent, unquestionable value. Namely, back then, I believed that the only acceptable identity for any individual had to be strictly consistent with their gender (role), as predetermined by social construct. Thus, I considered it a male's duty to be attracted to women and be overall manly, and a woman's duty to be attracted to men and be overall effeminate and ladylike. I also believed that everyone has the duty to marry, have children, and the like. I suppose I was what you'd call a bigot.

However, I suppose I didn't really adhere to my ideology, such that I didn't really feel any particular problem with myself. Whereas I had accepted this ideology rationally, by concluding that it was the "right" one, I didn't actually manage to live by it. I suppose that emotionally, I wasn't much drawn to it. I didn't feel a compelling urge to embrace it. Such emotion vs. reason discrepancies have always been very common for me, even now. Anyway, because I didn't seriously accept my ideology, I never actually condemned myself for being homosexual. I never hated myself and never had any problem accepting myself. I simply said to myself that I am the way I am, but that I have the social responsibility, due to my inherent duties, to suppress my homosexuality to the highest extent possible. I think my main consideration was not disturbing the general public with my "grotesque disorder". However, in private, I didn't restrain myself in any way. I enjoyed my crushes for boys, jerked off to boys I knew, watched gay pornography, etc.

As for the thread's question, i.e. how I resolved this clash between my ideology (although it evidently wasn't a significant clash), the answer is that I simply changed my ideology. I rejected deontological ethics and became a moral nihilist. As for how this happened, that would require an altogether new thread to discuss. Anyway, now I believe that nothing has inherent value and that nothing is right or wrong, such that homosexuality couldn't possibly be wrong either. Whereas it may be stigmatized, that is simply because of an arbitrary choice by society, fully devoid of any meaning. Thus, I no longer felt that I was defective (well, as far as sexuality goes, anyway). However, I didn't experience any notable change of perception in regard to myself after this. I had already embraced myself and allowed myself to express my identity privately and I continued doing the same with my new ideology as well.

The only actual difference was that now, I was ready and willing to express my identity beyond the confines of my room. For example, I was now willing to have a boyfriend, should the chance present itself. Previously, I would have recoiled from this, due to my "social responsibility". Then again, should I have gotten sufficiently tempted even then, I probably would have gone along with it. As I said, I didn't really adhere to my ideology properly. Anyway, this change in inclination hasn't really manifested itself, as I still haven't gotten the opportunity to have a boyfriend.

Furthermore, I still haven't come out, but now it's not because of my belief that other people don't deserve to be appalled and distressed by my filthiness, or whatever. It is simply due to practical reasons. Namely, I find myself in a homophobic environment (my mother has at one point expressed that she doesn't understand homosexuality as a concept, one of my friends has covered her eyes during a gay kissing scene while in the cinema and made a wry mouth, another friend and her father have declared a transsexual to be "nature's mistake", a third friend's father has proposed gathering all gays in a pile and setting them alight, one of my teachers has initiated a class discussion where different ways to react to a gay couple kissing in public were suggested, some of which involved kicking them or spitting on them, etc.) and most importantly of all, I'm in love with a straight friend. If he were to find out I was gay, he would withdraw for me completely, whereas he is one of the main reasons why I actually wish to live - I really have no desire to lose him, even though he cannot be but a distant friend to me.

However, as I said earlier, I would still be willing to practice my homosexuality openly should the chance present itself to me, i.e. should I find a prospective partner. In that case, I would consider the value of the relationship I could have with him more important than the cons I have addressed. Namely, I wouldn't care what my homophobic environment would say about me and I don't expect that they would actually confront me (e.g. gang up to beat me up in an attempt to "purge" me, or whatever, although some people I know have actually spoken of such things). Also, I would presumably get over my straight friend, as my hypothetical partner would displace him.

 

Even in the past I was pretty neutral when it came to gay-related topics. It wasn't like you'd be raped by gays which is obviously stupid to begin with, so I used to say "let 'em have what they want (marriage) it doesn't hurt anyone"

And it's not the first time that I became what I didn't care for, so honestly I wasn't surprised. And thanks to me having all kinds of weird or unknown hobbies (well, unknown by the people here) I knew that this is just one more thing I would never mention during a conversation because noone would be interested in it positively. Although for some time I was wondering if I was just pretending to be gay, and what if I'm accused of pretentiuous behavior but then I realized that, yes indeed I want that.