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I think I'm a lesbian

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ResidentTheatreKid, Jun 13, 2014.

  1. ResidentTheatreKid

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    Hello! I'm Nicole, a 14 year old female from Portsmouth, UK. I need your help and advice because I think I might be a lesbian.

    I have never had any attraction towards boys. I have had boyfriends, but mainly because everyone else had one and I didn't want to seem like a weirdo. But my friends stand staring at an older boy going 'oh my god, how cute is he?!' And I just don't get it. I also don't really get being in a relationship with a boy. Its beyond me how you can trust a person with your heart after they've already broken it once, just to have it broken again. And in the case of my friends and my mother, I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces. All of this has just helped me form a mental block towards boys. I know they're not always the same, but I'm scared about picking the wrong ones ;-;

    But girls to me are a different story. I don't care about how cute a girl is, but if I get to know a girl and she's really nice, I pretty much immediately love them. I'm just beginning to think that actually... I'd be a whole lot happier and feel safer in a female relationship. I don't understand boys, the way they work. Girls I can comprehend. Girls I understand. Up until about 10-11, I didn't even realise girls going out with girls and boys being with boys was a thing. To me, going out was girl and boy. Full stop. And now I'm considering only being with girls for my whole life... It's really confusing to me. I've been thinking about this for months, and I just need to get it all off my chest.

    Sorry if you don't understand this or what I've written is all bull poop, I think fast and write fast, this is literally all of my thoughts lobbed onto here :/

    Basically- what the heck am I?! Is this normal? Am I lesbian?! I don't even know who I am anymore D:
     
  2. Unkempt Harold

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    You sound like a lesbian to me X]
     
  3. Undertow

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    Hello Nicole!

    The good news is, you have plenty of time to work all of this out! (Technically, there's no right or wrong time to determine your sexuality, and it happens at different times for different people, so I didn't mean that in a bad way). If you feel that you would be happier with another girl, you should be true to yourself and trust your intuition. :slight_smile:

    It's quite normal to feel confused about this. I totally get where you're coming from, too--when I was your age, my friends were constantly smitten with all sorts of guys, but I never quite saw the attraction. I would say that I did, but that was pretty much just to fit in. I didn't consider that I might only be attracted to women until I was about 16, but I was always more drawn to them (and certainly more comfortable around them).

    Also, you conveyed your thoughts quite clearly, in my opinion.

    I wish you luck figuring everything out!
     
  4. XenaxGabby

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    It just takes time. Eventually you will figure it out. It sounds to me like you are definitely attracted to girls. Maybe go on a date with a girl and see if you like it.
     
  5. ginger cthulhu

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    Hello!

    I was around 5 or 6 when I first realized something was different, and between 13 and 16 had a very difficult, and confusing time trying to understand it. I'm turning 30 soon, and still haven't worked out all the kinks. What I'm getting at is, learning about yourself can be very complicated at times, and Undertow is absolutely correct ... there is no time limit on this. You will eventually understand who you are, and what you want (and not even just in the context of sexuality).

    Best of luck to you!
     
  6. ResidentTheatreKid

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    Thanks for your help and support, guys :slight_smile:

    While I would love to go out with a girl, in my current school there are exactly 733 people, of which there is 726 straight people, 1 lesbian, 3 gay, and 3 bisexual boys. And the 1 lesbian is year 11 (16 years old) and has a girlfriend out of school. I'm not allowed to do anything out of school :/

    But pretty much all research I've done points to me being lesbian... And I've done a lot of research. It seems a bit surreal... I've always just considered myself to be straight but a complete weirdo.
    I will probably ponder over this for a few weeks before telling anyone, but I'm beginning to think I am actually lesbian. Which is fine with me XD
     
  7. Natalie S

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    I know exactly how you feel with the whole school situation. While my school has more people that are out, they are almost all dating somebody else. It is frustrating, but hopefully you will be able to find somebody from a different school.
     
  8. ResidentTheatreKid

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    Yeah, it's not like I'm a person who relies on relationships. I've survived 14 years

    The plus side is being lesbian makes my goal of not having a boyfriend for the rest of my time at school a lot easier XD

    The area I live in is quite a Christian/ catholic area, the reason our school is so small is because most kids go to the catholic school down the road :/

    *hugs everyone*
     
  9. ResidentTheatreKid

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    Now... I've been doing some more research and I think I might be a demisexual lesbian...

    Because although I imagine myself with a girl, and I would much rather be with a girl than a boy, I don't have any attraction to girls unless I've bonded with them, until I actually know them. I can't really just look at a girl and go 'oh, I want to go out with her, she's cute!' This probably is because of trust issues I've developed over years of abusive stepfathers, I don't trust myself to pick the right people. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I simply can't go out with boys, or be with boys.
    Partly because I had a panic attack when a boy asked me out yesterday. Boys really frighten me, and even though this boy is really sweet, an autistic year 11 in my school... I just can't...

    Does this get any less confusing as time goes on? ;-;

    ---------- Post added 15th Jun 2014 at 12:30 PM ----------

    :bang::bang:Or maybe I'm a right weirdo. Sexual orientation: don't. Even. Go. There.

    This is so frustrating >.<

    :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang: :bang:
     
  10. ResidentTheatreKid

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    :help::help::help::help::help::help::help::help:
     
  11. Lavender

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    To me it sounds like you are a lesbian. Saying that though you are still young and have alot to work through so i understand your confusion. Im 28 next month and am only just now realising my orientation. Like you I was never attracted to boys at school , i always thought they were immature and gross and i had feelings for the girls i was good friends with. Over time though i did start to like men (around the age of 20) but that feeling is still there about females too.. All i can say is give it time and do what makes you happy and what feels true to you
     
  12. ResidentTheatreKid

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    Thank you Lavender. It's not just that I have no attraction to boys, I'm scared of them. My stepdad was very abusive to me from the age of 4 to 11 years, and my mother has a knack of picking arseholes and forgiving them after they batter her and us half to death... I just really don't trust men. I don't trust myself to pick the right men. I don't trust myself to know when it's gone too far to forgive.

    Which is also what leads me to believe I'm Demisexual. It confuses me how people my age want to go out with others based on looks. I can't trust people that way. I need to know someone to have any kind of attraction to them.
     
  13. Lavender

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    Yet again can completely understand, I was abused by 2 men including my step dad too :frowning2:
    Things are sounding really hard for you at the moment, I'm glad you have found this forum to talk to people but do you have any close friends or a school councillor you could see? I'm always happy to chat to you too :slight_smile: it definitely sounds like you have some trust issues, I get that too I put up a massive wall up when things happened to me when I was younger. All the kids at school thought I was a freak because I kept to myself but when something happens to you by someone your supposed to trust it kind of destroys your trust in all people.
     
  14. lovely lesbian

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    I agree sounds like your a lesbian to me but you do have lots of time to work it out.
     
  15. Raikamaru

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    You're scared of boys? Shite, that must suck, being that you're surrounded by 'em.

    He sounds like a total twatbasket.


    My mum's like that a bit, but she finds a guy, he turns out to be a complete dickcheese, and she pisses on his jumper and chases him down the street with a nutcracker in her hand. Seriously, that's actually happened.
     
  16. prussianblue100

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    Wow. I can really relate to your story, except for the part about the abusive stepdads though. And I have to admit, I started checking out girls and thinking they're cute when I realized I'm a lesbian, so I'm not sure if I'm demisexual or not. Yeah, you sound like a lesbian to me. Just give yourself time to work things out.
     
  17. ResidentTheatreKid

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    I've pretty much accepted that I'm a lesbian after catching myself making a mental list of girls I'd go out with in my year.

    The answer is... 2 XD

    To say the least, I'm picky XD

    Thanks for all your help and advice guys! Very much appreciated!

    I've even come out to a few people :slight_smile:
     
  18. stocking

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    I'm so happy for you:slight_smile:
     
  19. Wuggums47

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    This is normal, and yes you're a lesbian. Congratulations!
     
  20. ResidentTheatreKid

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    Thank you, Stocking and Wiggum.

    My poor mother, she has a lesbian oldest daughter, an autistic, ADHD, learning difficulties, dislocated hip son, an ADHD on the gay side son, and what's looking like a transgender youngest son XD

    I say 'poor' ... It's mostly her fault I'm lesbian... But I wouldn't change it for anything. I feel amazing XD

    ---------- Post added 24th Jun 2014 at 09:22 PM ----------

    Thank you, Stocking and Wiggum.

    My poor mother, she has a lesbian oldest daughter, an autistic, ADHD, learning difficulties, dislocated hip son, an ADHD on the gay side son, and what's looking like a transgender youngest son XD

    I say 'poor' ... It's mostly her fault I'm lesbian... But I wouldn't change it for anything. I feel amazing XD