I started questioning my sexuality last year, thought I was bi, and came to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian after looking back at my past, and assessing my feelings for both genders. (I make it sound like some kind of psychological study O.O) My first crush was on a girl, I've always liked the look of the female body and show absolutely no response the male body. I've been in a few extremely short relationships with guys and when we are kissing, I could be kissing a brick wall and be having the same feelings. Literally, nothing. I was always like 'Am I meant to be enjoying this?' But although I've only ever kissed a girl on the cheek, that was WAY better. :icon_wink BUT I can still fangirl for hours over my favourite male Japanese singers (albeit they are airbrushed so much that they look feminine xD) and can still identify when I think a guy is cute. Does this mean I only find fictional guys cute? :lol: But seriously, how do I know these feelings aren't just temporary? I've come out as lesbian to my friends but what if my feelings change in the future? I don't think they will, but if I come out completely to everyone and discover I'm actually bi or even straight a few years down the line, that would be so embarrassing. I know it's a silly question, but is there any way of knowing for sure? How did you guys become certain of your sexuality?
Sort of only skimmed what you posted, but to the title I'd say having sex with a girl would pretty much let you know for sure XD
This is exactly how I feel! Reading through it and analysing it as if it's not exactly the same situation I'm in (minus the kissing boys), it looks like you're a lesbian. Which kind of helps me out too hehehe. I'm worried about realising later that I'm bi or straight too, but it just seems unlikely
I have the same question too. I was bi most of my life until now, and im wondering if Im lesbian ( and Im married to a man! )But the only experience I have with girls is a kiss (for practice when i was a teen lol), which I barely remember. I can't just ask a girl 'hey, can we make out so I can see if I feel fireworks?' . Wish it were that easy. Is hooking up the only way? Its so hard because I cant do that cuz im married..but if I dont figure this out soon, I dont know how long my marriage will last. :-/ . Tick tock. I hope you find your confirmation!
It often seems like there's room for interpretation with all of the labels (gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, etc.). In my experience, there are plenty of women who identify as lesbian but are still able to find men...aesthetically pleasing, I guess? It's basically recognizing that a man would be considered attractive, but that's it. So, if you see a guy and think "Hmm, he is a good-looking dude, but I don't want to date him or sleep with him", it's unlikely that you're actually attracted to him...you're just acknowledging that he has a pleasant outward appearance (I doubt I worded that in a way that makes any sense, so I apologize in advance). Like I said, I feel that there's a lot of room for interpretation. I've met some people who believe that you can't identify as lesbian if you so much as glance at a man for more than 10 seconds. I think that's quite ridiculous, honestly, but to each their own. All in all, if you are attracted to women, and men don't really do anything for you, it's probably safe to call yourself a lesbian. Don't pay any mind to people who nitpick the terminology or judge you for feeling uncertain. I also hear that just going label-free is rather liberating, so perhaps that's an option
I am pretty much in the same situation as you except I've never kissed a boy and I dot really like any boys at all XD
You know for *sure*, if you live to be, maybe 70ish years old (maybe 50 would do), and never feel strong attractions to guys. Why do you need to know for sure? Isn't it enough that you're attracted to girls *now*? I mean isn't that sufficient to tell you that you should at least experiment with women? When you are, say 30, you're not going to take dating advice from a 17 year old, right? But if you "decide your identity" now, and try to fix it in stone, and make life plans based on it, that's exactly the position you'll be putting that 30 year old version of you in. So crush on girls if you feel yourself falling that way. Crush on some guys if you feel yourself inclined that way. Fangirl over your favorite Japanese singers. And experiment romantically and sexually with the people you feel attracted to in the moment.
Wow, thank you for all the advice! I identify as panromantic (to me, meaning that I can like people regardless of gender) and homosexual, since the only people I can envisage myself sleeping with are women. That may change over the years, but you guys are right in the sense that I should stop trying desperately to find my identity when it can be fluid as the years go by. I wish life were easy and everyone could be absolutely sure on their sexuality and gender. Shall I come out as panromantic homosexual? Or might that explode everyone's heads with the confusing terminology? XD
I guess my thoughts on "coming out as" reflect my overall view on identity vs. being. To me, being "out" means living as *you*, as you like to live, and not hiding it and not caring who finds out...rather than telling everyone that you own a particular label. If they see you constantly with women, they may start to assume you're a lesbian. If they say something along those lines and it bothers you, *that's* the time to correct them...you can either say, "you can't really assume I'm a lesbian just based on that" (that's my approach)...or you could use that opportunity to explode their brains with "panromantic" (hey, they're the ones making the faulty assumptions...they deserve to have their brains expanded at that point). But basically, it's not your responsibility to your sexuality to anyone...screw them; just be happy!
