Cause of Homosexuality

I know that there is much debate as to whether sexual orientation is something that is genetically predetermined or acquired through environmental influence, and that in reality both factors most likely contribute to one's sexual identity in such a way that the lines between them are blurred, but I'm curious as to the details of my own case.

Bearing my childhood in mind, it seems very likely to me that I developed as gay specifically due to the way I was raised. First of all, I was continually tended to and pampered by an overprotective mother and aunt (my mother being somewhat importunate, with a need to control, and my aunt being a very timid, sensitive and fretful character), both evidently female (my father wasn't very directly involved in my raising - he certainly participated indirectly, but I didn't have much personal contact with him). I think that this channeled me into developing in a more effeminate way.

Thus, I ended up occupying myself with somewhat girly activities. I played with dolls in my earlier years instead of playing soccer or whatnot. I didn't play with Barbies, rather with stuffed toys, but the notion is still more or less the same. I also liked to dress up as a girl - apparently I was amused by the notion of decorating myself. I used to wear nail polish and rings as jewelry. Now, this seems completely abominable for me to do to myself again (in other words, it is now completely incompatible with my character), as I have grown increasingly typically masculine throughout the years, which I am quite happy about - I have even come to feel proud of my masculinity (regardless of how undeveloped it still might be) and find it "freshening", so to speak, but never mind that - I still obviously had very effeminate tendencies back then, which is when I was still developing (more drastically).

Moreover, my aunt's and mother's overprotective tendencies led to my aversion toward social contact - as I relied so much on my mother and aunt, I had grown somewhat inclined to fear everything (new) and I'd hardly learned to do anything myself properly, never having been given proper chances to act independently. In 7th grade, I was still anxious about going to a store to buy something myself... This incompetence and maladroitness is definitely far from the typical notion of masculinity. Obviously, I had no clue back then as to how to take matters into my own hands and work on my personal development to become a socially functional individual - I have only begun to embrace those notion in the past 3-4 years.

Anyway, having such an aversion to socializing, I was raised in almost complete isolation from peers - I never went to kindergarten and from 1st through 4th grade, I barely uttered a word to any of my classmates (well not quite, but I never formed any actual relationships with any of them) - my mother even came during lunch breaks to "keep me company". I had thus indirectly learned from my mother's and aunt's upbringing to shield myself away. Consequently, I didn't have any male friends, to be able to learn typical masculine behavior from them. Meanwhile, I was somewhat more accepted by the girls in my class and any minimal communication I had came from them. This probably further led to me developing in a more effeminate way and identifying with the group of girls rather than the group of boys. This probably has to do with the fact that girls (well, at least in elementary school) tend to be more tolerant and overall polite, with a more developed intellectual and emotional aspect, whereas the boys tend to be somewhat rough and physically oriented (fighting, playing sports, chasing each other, etc.). The girls were thus more familiar to me - both less intimidating and more similar to my own character. The boys somehow appeared much more alien, I suppose, leading me to withdraw from them further.

Finally, I suppose I turned out sufficiently effeminate to adopt the feminine romantic/sexual response, which is basically what homosexuality in males not seldom comes down to (in my case it does, anyway). I suppose that the "exotic becomes erotic" principle was involved here - I began to admire typical masculine traits such as strength, dominance, competence etc. because they were foreign to me.

Do you find that all of this (or any of this) makes sense? Would you consider it to be a plausible explanation as to why I am gay, or would you say that all of these circumstances in my childhood were merely coincidental with my sexuality? I think that that would far too great of a coincidence (me having effeminate/homosexual predispositions and my parents and aunt working around them). In the end, it doesn't really matter that much why I am or am not in a particular way, but I am just curious.

P.S. I know I have spoken of homosexuality and effeminacy as one, but I realize perfectly well that they are two very different notions and that they need not correlate. It is just that they happened to coexist in my case and that they have apparently correlated in a certain way.

P.P.S. I know I have spoken of "typical masculine traits" and "typical feminine traits" - I am merely using these terms to define a particular set of traits for reference. I don't wish to suggest or advocate that they are "proper" whereas anything else is "improper". I also do not wish to generalize anything - I am aware of how meaningless the category of gender can essentially be, beyond biological classification.

 

I suppose that this is also possible, particularly as I have some traits that couldn't have really been determined by environmental factors, such as my voice, which is slightly higher in pitch than of my average male peer. Then again, voice pitch doesn't necessarily have much to do with effeminacy - it is a very trivial factor.

I absolutely agree with this - any aspect of an individual's behavior or mental predispositions is an incredibly complex system of hardly discernible factors, such that any explanations in relation thereto are very often superficial, inadequate (and possibly straight out erroneous). Thus, I don't really expect to understand why/how I turned out gay - I was just trying to establish whether a general correlation existed to some extent between my upbringing and my sexuality.

This is what I've been really curious about - if my childhood was less like it was, would I have been straight? Would different influence have shaped me fully differently? Even if I was born with an effeminate, gay personality (as suggested), would there have been a chance of my environment to not make it possible for this to develop further and to eventually be extinguished?

 

What country are you talking about :icon_bigg ?