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"You don't need all those labels!" When people say this, does it bother you?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Vincisomething, Jun 14, 2014.

  1. Vincisomething

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    Why or why not? Do you think, "hey, they're right. We are just us. Sex and gender is fluid. Why the labels?" or is it "these 'labels' helps me identify myself. Telling me to drop these labels makes me feel like I should just drop my identity and blend in a heteronormative world instead of trying to stand out for myself."
     
  2. looking for me

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    some don't need them some do. if you feel you need them, by all means use whatever you need. if someone tries to take them from you don't let them, the label you choose for you is yours. I identify as Bi, which for me covers everything i need. your mileage may vary, go as far as you need to get to where you need to be.
    (*hug*)
     
  3. stocking

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    I agree with you I don't like when people say you don't need labels , in life we label everything , we label animals companies , our names is a label . If you have no label what are you fighting for ? .
    I think when people say everyone is sexually fluid or a bit bi to me that's saying that bisexuality doesn't exist or denying someone's sexuality . Labels tell people who your attracted to , what team you play for . I label myself a lesbian because I don't want men approaching me at all .
     
    #3 stocking, Jun 14, 2014
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2014
  4. BelleFromHell

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    If peoole want to be label-less, that's fine. I, on the other hand, like having a label.

    I don't like the femme, butch, lipstick, chapstick labels since I don't fit into any of them, but I'm OK with just lesbian.
     
  5. TurtleCat

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    I don't really care if other people don't want to label themselves. That's for them to decide, and I figure they probably have their reasons. Some people may still be undecided, they may feel that none of the labels really fits them, etc.

    For a while, I didn't really like labeling myself. For one, I was still undecided on exactly where I lay on the sexuality spectrum, and second, I felt I still lacked the adequate experience to determine for certain. Now I'm pretty sure I'm bisexual, though.
     
  6. sam the man

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    If they're explaining to me why some labels are inadequate or what their opinion on my label is, that's fine. But if they're instructing me to adopt a label (or lack thereof) based on their subjective and limited view of me, I'd very happily tell them where to shove it. People are allowed to disagree and debate about labels as long as they aren't going round telling everyone who they can and can't be.
     
  7. jahow95

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    Labels of straight, gay, and bisexual are undoubtedly useful. I can see why further labels may be argued as being over the top.

    I can see the point of view that when some people, most commonly of the GLBT community, try to label themselves so specifically, their label is almost an attempt to tell you exactly which people of which genders they are attracted to. I can see how it is hard to believe that someone has experienced enough situations in which they are or are not attracted to people to be able to label themselves so specifically.

    My opinion is that anyone can label themselves however the hell they want, but it does confuse/impress me that some people are able to perceive their sexuality to higher precision than demisexual.
     
    #7 jahow95, Jun 14, 2014
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  8. ResidentTheatreKid

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    It annoys me. I'm like

    WHAT IF I ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM.

    To me a label is a reassurance that I do actually know. Everything I used to think I was has sort of gone out the window, it feels like in a minute I'm going to be unsure of my name :frowning2: to be able to say 'oh yeah, I'm a lesbian' is like... 'Oh yep, I know what's going on in my head.'

    So I understand labels. I'd understand if someone came up to me and told me that they were a demilesgaybiunicorn and explain it to me if it helps them to come to terms with who they are.
     
  9. TheStormInside

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    People can label themselves however they please, but I understand the perspective that labels can end up causing more confusion than clarity. People are all going to be a bit different, and sometimes language doesn't really hold the nuance that we desire when describing ourselves or our preferences. I'm not going to judge someone who chooses a long string of labels for themselves, if that's what they need for self-understanding then that is fine. My hesitation on the subject as a whole, however, is that the more variations of people there are the more words we are going to need, and the more splintered an already splintered community will get. It's ok to have a little bit of room for interpretation when you tell someone you're gay, or straight, or bi, or however you identify. You don't have to present absolutely everything all at once in that one introduction. We're human beings and we can have a dialog with each other that extends beyond "My name is ___ and I am ____."
     
  10. As a person who wants to be label-free, though at the same time can't help but need a label, I say that if someone wants to have a label, that is their choice and no one should tell them to do away with their label. Some people want them and that's okay. It's the same thing vice versa too, if a person doesn't want a label, no one should be telling them they need a label or ask any further questions. Basically, having a label and being label-free are both totally fine and awesome! :icon_wink
     
  11. Unkempt Harold

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    Ima transgender chapstick/ blue jeans lesbian robot.

    I mean how could I not wear that on my sleeve?
     
  12. XenaxGabby

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    I think labels, for the most part, are important. If everyone was label-free then there would be no LGBT visibility.
     
  13. DeviantAttitude

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    Just to piss people off from now on I'm adapting every label in existence. Every label!
    One should label him/herself to mirror his/her personality.
     
  14. Acm

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    It bothers me when people say that about gender or sexuality because as someone who's struggled with both of those things a lot it's important for me to know who I am. If somebody doesn't want to label themselves that's fine, it's their choice, as long as they're okay with other people needing labels.
     
  15. biAnnika

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    If you want to know WHO you are, the only way is to look *inside*. Labels can only tell you the name we associate with the *kind* of person you are...not who you are. And they are not reassurances of anything you "know"...as you say yourself, your notion of what you "know" has changed drastically and can/will change again. They are just words.

    But they can be *useful* words, if used appropriately.

    To the OP, *yes*, it bugs the heck out of me when people say we don't need labels. Stocking has it on the button that part of being human is labeling *everything*...discrimination is *good* (it's what helps us distinguish between rocks and food); it's *prejudice* that's bad. Labels just help us to formalize how we discriminate.

    Where we go wrong, though, is in ascribing the wrong directionality to labels. We think that because such-and-such label applies to us, we must be a certain way or have certain qualities. That's bad and dangerous logic. In fact it's the converse that is true: if we have certain qualities, then such-and-such label applies.

    So the correct *use* for labels is NOT to help us understand who we are (since you have to *know* who you are already to choose the right label), but to help us *describe* who we are to others once we've figured it out.

    This is why I've said again and again to people here to stop trying to figure out which label applies and then act accordingly...what if you pick the wrong damned label?? Instead, look inside, and figure out who is attractive, who it sounds appealing to have sex with, etc. Then start experimenting with what sounds good. If a particular set of activities consistently feel right and good, and you pick up on a pattern, that pattern may well suggest a label to you (i.e., if you're a woman and it always seems to be women you find attractive and you enjoy sex with them, then if this keeps up for years, you may well be a lesbian...but if several years go by, and you start finding men attractive as well...well, you might be bisexual...or your sexuality may have shifted).

    It's harder work to look inside yourself than it is to pick a word and follow its instructions. But ultimately, it's the only way to really figure yourself out.
     
  16. FeketeHajnal789

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    I personally would find it disagreeable to have someone say to me that I don't need labels, though this hasn't happened yet (most likely due to the fact that I have revealed that I'm gay to only one person). I wouldn't be annoyed, but I would dismiss the suggestion, as I am personally very fond of labels as a phenomenon in general. Namely, I like to strictly define concepts, whether they be related to sexual orientation or whatever else.

    It is not that I believe that concepts can actually be strictly defined in a reliable way. On the contrary, I believe that almost all lexical terms are inadequate in capturing the concept that they are assigned to, due to the inevitable variability that occurs between multiple instances of the same concepts as well the complexity and plenitude of factors generally involved in constituting a single concept. However, this doesn't really bother me. I find labels useful in that they present the general idea. I find them useful for reference and I find them useful as estimates. Above all, I find them useful in organizing my thought processes - I find it much more convenient to think of the world as a highly organized system, for which I employ labels to single out the structural components and subsequently manipulate them mentally.

    The biggest problem I do have with labels would be, I suppose, that they may have additional associations which need not be considered in a particular case. For example, whereas I would like to use the term "gay" to label myself, I wouldn't like people associating it with me liking rainbow patterns (as I particularly dislike them). Then again, most people are aware that labels shouldn't be interpreted so rigidly. After all, it's not as though people interpret labels of nationality as implying that the bearer has all the affinities that the stereotype in question advocates (e.g. that an Italian automatically loves pasta, or something to that effect).

    I strongly concur with this.
     
  17. thekillingmoon

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    Not everyone can find a label that fits them 100%. If you found one like that, that's great. My problem with labels is that there are a lot of annoying stereotypes associated with them. Like lesbian stereotypes that don't describe me at all and yet people often expect you to look and act according to the label you use. It also feels very confining to put myself in a box, so I avoid labels most of the time.
     
  18. Brandiac

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    I honestly don't care, I'm happy to have the word demisexual to describe that I'm only gonna have sexual fantasies with you if I LOVE you, and that I'm not asexual. I've been told that I'm asexual by a couple people already, just because I wouldn't want to meet them for an "adventure".

    I won't start explaining it to other people using these words though. It's not worth it anyways, because 99% of the time it's like talking to a brick wall.
     
  19. Chip

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    I think because we are somewhat hardwired to appreciate order and structure, and also because we are definitely hardwired for connection and a desire for belonging, there may be a natural tendency to gravitate toward having labels to describe ourselves, and to see where we belong.

    So in the sense that knowing we're in some way different from the majority of people -- i.e., we're not straight -- having a label that allows us to identify where we belong is, for many of us, important to our own identity.

    By the same token, some people, perhaps as an outright rejection or rebellion to being labeled, or being forced to "fit in" to ordinary society, either reject labels outright, or intentionally choose labels that are unusual or unconventional.

    One of the problems that's come to light in recent social science research is the way in which, over the past 15 or so years, parents and educators have propagated this idea that everyone is special, and that, in turn, can influence some people believe that anything that's ordinary or mainstream is unacceptable because it doesn't stand out. This is a really misleading and unhelpful belief that leads to shame, and, in turn, some people act out, and create unconventional identities for themselves, in part for those reasons.

    This isn't to say that non-conventional labels are inherently bad. But if their purpose is, in fact, to help people to truly belong, then splintering and identifying with dozens of labels instead of a small number of labels, in an attempt to "find a label that identifies *me*", may actually, according to the research, have the effect of isolating, rather than helping people belong.
     
  20. stocking

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    I agree with it now I think making new labels help describe people to a tee when the mainstream ones don't fit them but I have seen a few where you can tell the person was just using them to stand out or didn't like the mainstream ones.