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Inconsistency Within Sexual Orientation

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by FeketeHajnal789, Jun 15, 2014.

  1. FeketeHajnal789

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    Although this topic has been discussed multiple times in different threads, I am curious as to what people have to say about my specific case, particularly as it is slightly more unusual than many others, so it seems.

    What I wish to address is that although I identify as exclusively homosexual, based on intense romantic as well as sexual feelings for guys, two and a half years ago I developed romantic sentiments for a girl. I had no sexual interest in her whatsoever but felt just about as strongly infatuated with her as I generally do with the boys I get besotted with. I find this perplexing, as I don't really know what it means. I don't know what attracted me to her nor why.

    I suppose that the thing that I valued most in the friendship we had for those 6-7 months was that we had a lot of things in common. She wasn't quite the typical girl in our generation. Much like me, she was cynical towards most of out peers, dismissing them as "sluts" or "dumb jocks", i.e. criticizing their apparent superficiality. She wasn't very social and had an aversion for activities like parties. She also valued the notion of education and had intellectual predispositions. Furthermore, she had a sensitive side. She even had similar hobbies to me - we both liked watching television, playing video games, learning foreign languages (and having preferences for the same types; I was quite astonished to discover that she, just like me, had at one point chosen to study Norwegian for the fun of it - it was a remarkable coincidence), etc.

    Thus, it may have been that the intimacy that I began to perceive between us due to our similarities grew into something more, even though she didn't exactly charm me, so to speak, which is generally happens when I fall for a boy. More importantly, I felt acceptance from her. I felt like I didn't have to restrain myself like I do in front of other people and that she could understand me, more or less. Furthermore, I felt that she considered me a meaningful friend and felt connected to me to the same extent that I felt connected to her. This is something that I really value and that I otherwise experience very rarely with other people. With all of my other friends, I feel that they simply consider me to be an amicable acquaintance. I daresay I sometimes even feel as a third wheel (or fifth or seventh...). It is not that any of these other friends are rude to me or anything such. It's just that they don't really connect with me. Our friendship is secondary to those they have with others. At least I perceive the situation that way. Hence, the acceptance I felt from this girl may have contributed to my emotional attachment to her.

    She likewise wasn't boring as some people are - we could maintain "bright" conversations, so to speak, with a refreshing dose of humor in them. It's somehow really important to me that the people I socialize be fun, in a stronger sense of the word. They may be intellectually stimulating, morally inspiring, or understanding and compassionate, but it's always the witty, easy-going, bubbly ones that I really feel drawn to, regardless of whether it's friendships or romantic relationships that are in question. Perhaps this is somewhat shallow and potentially immature, but it is nonetheless so. Thus, this may have been yet another contributing factor with this girl.

    However, I quite wonder if the aforementioned factors could really suffice to produce sentiments in me that are otherwise induced by completely different traits. Specifically, I am generally attracted by stereotypical masculinity. I am attracted by dominance, competence, effectiveness, strength, affinity for sports, bodybuilding, success with girls (despite the irony), and the like. Moreover, I daresay I am very attracted by the whole "bad boy" notion. The girl in question didn't really have these traits, and even if she did, she couldn't have had them in the stereotypical male, so I wonder how I still could have been drawn to her despite this.

    I wonder if I was in fact attracted to her due to quite the opposite traits - i.e. her femininity. Although I am drawn to the masculine gender role, I also like to play it myself. I am very much elated by this, in fact. Thus, it may be that this girl gave me the opportunity to feel masculine myself as the contrast between my character and her femininity was accentuated. Maybe this later got translated into romantic attraction for her later on. However, she wasn't even that feminine. She wasn't even physically very feminine - she was somewhat unkempt. She never wore dresses or make up, for example.

    This brings me to the most curious aspect of my story - this girl eventually fully rejected her feminine identity and proclaimed herself to be genderless, or something such. She also altered her appearance very thoroughly. She cut her hair completely short and started wearing boyish T-shirts and shorts. There is nothing specifically boyish about them, I suppose, but they are certainly not feminine. Previously, she at least had some shirt with some pink and purple markings on them. She also had a more feminine backpack. Anyway, there are rumors that she is taking in male hormones so as to reduce her physical femininity to a minimum. I don't really believe this is true, but either way, she turned out very far from a classical girl. Hence, I wonder if the fact that I liked specifically her and no other girl had something to do with the fact that she is to not typically girly? Then again, she is so not typically masculine either and doesn't match the outline of the typical boy I'd go for at all, as I already said, so how could it matter that she is not girly?

    What are your thoughts on this? Why do you think I was attracted to her back then and does her current lack of femininity have anything to do with the case?
     
  2. Brandiac

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Central Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I think you found it rejoicing, that for a change, you happened to run into an intelligent and understanding person and that's not very common here nowadays. (And the stuff you were saying about yourself has immediately put you on my list of people I want to be friends with. Too bad acquiring full member status takes weeks before you can use PMs)

    I say not to put your mind to this for too long, and especially don't let it make you think you're bisexual. That kind of confusion is very annoying, I know that personally. I just had to realize that with females they're only aesthetically pleasing for me, like a nice painting and that's it. That doesn't make me not want to have girls as friends and company. It's always them I get to voice my opinion with when it comes to the inappropriate and inconsiderate behavior of straight guys.
     
  3. FeketeHajnal789

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    I don't think that this will be a problem - I am in not inclined whatsoever to thinking that I am bisexual. Bisexuality, after all, implies more or less equal attraction to both sexes. As for my case, I realize that this girl was an isolated situation. I was just perplexed as to why it should have occurred in the first place - it didn't make me question myself, though.

    I am displeased about this too (hey, at least we have wall posts). Then again, no one is confining us to this site. If you want to chat beyond thread discussions, there are tons of social networks :wink:.