So thanks to you guys and some friends in real life, I think I've almost come to the answer of who I am...almost being the key word. I just feel like I'm gay and that I should just accept it, but I can't for some reason. I try to convince my self that I am but then there's this thought in the back of my head saying "But are you sure?". I know I like guys, I can imagine myself with a boyfriend and everything, but I don't know what's holding me back from actually accepting it. I mean the other night me and my friend who happens to be a girl started sending pictures of guys to each other and I actually enjoyed it because there was no judging or anything it was pure bliss because she is one of my best friends in a the world and this just proved that even if everyone else were to leave me behind for being gay, she would stay. I think I've come up with a few theory's on why I have doubts but I'm not sure because I can't come up with a definite cause. So here's what I've come up with. -I'm just in denial. I feel like I am gay but I just can't accept it. -I've never had an actual boyfriend so I'm worried I'm wrong about my sexuality. What if I go out with a guy and find I don't like it. I find this theory unlikely since I imagine myself cuddling with a guy, but still it worries me for some reason. -I feel as if being gay will hold me back, like all these people who have done great things with their life and they are all normal or straight while me? I'm just in the background feeling different. -I'm worried what my family will think. I'm gonna go more in depth with this one. I'm worried only about my family because all of my friends that I've told about me questioning my sexuality have been supportive and always seem to push me forward when I'm down. However my parents think I'm normal, I've had a girlfriend before and I think they just assume that I'm straight. I don't really talk to my parents about serious problems like my feelings and stuff, I wish I could, but I can't. And when ever they talk about gay people they never sound too pleased with them. I'm worried they'll be angry. Then there are my brothers, I have two older ones and one younger brother. Me and my biggest brother get along well and I even come over to his house once and a while and spend the night, however I'm worried that if I am gay our relationship will change and he won't want to hang out anymore. Hell one time me and him were messing around and he was like look at that girls butt and I just kinda went along with it and said something stupid and he said "Well at least I know your not gay" I dreaded those words and they haunted me for about a week or so. My second older brother we don't talk much so I'm not worried about him,we get along and he's pretty accepting so he is the only one I'm not scared about telling. Finally ,my little brother, some times he can be the biggest brat and he can't ever be really nice to me so I'm worried if I tell him I'm gay he go running his mouth of too his friends and stuff. I will literally be less popular then I am now and I already thought that was impossible. So there *Sigh*. So those are my reasons, but there is one more thing that is troubling me. Last night two girls both told me they like me. I was very surprised and I didn't know what to do, I mean I don't want to date them but for some reason it made me question my sexuality even more. So I know this was a giant wall of text but please I feel so close, just still not sure, thanks for the advice everyone, I appreciate it.
Yeah I'd like to know this too. Other than the last one, it all applies to me. I don't know at what point I'll have the confidence to come out with all these lingering doubts. The biggest having never been in a relationship.
Going on what you've said, I know that you're gay, and you do too, really. You like men sexually and emotionally and have no desire for women, therefore, you are a gay man. Your problem is accepting that. Once you've accepted it yourself, then maybe you can start to thiink about coming out to your family.
I am pretty much going through the exact same thing, except I am a girl and (I am pretty sure) I am a lesbian. That stupid niggly voice going 'are you sure?' Is so damn frustrating, and what's more frustrating to me is that I have no sexual attraction to either sex :/ but I'm scared shitless of the thought of dating a boy, whereas I can imagine myself with a girl... *sigh* this is annoying.
There's always going to be an adjustment period. During/after coming out - even if everyone fully accepts you (including yourself), your life and how you view the world changes in leaps and bounds rather than gradually like it did in the past. Some people find the changes exciting and freeing, but others get a little bit scared and freaked out by the unknown. How have you dealt with change in the past? Think about some other pivital moments in your life when you were at a fork in the road or when your outlook on life got a sudden shock. e.g. The death of a friend or family member, a good friend moving away, starting or losing your job, finishing school or uni, when you found out that santa clause wasn't real etc.. Unfortunately there isn't a stock answer for how to come to terms with different things, it's best to start with what has worked in the past and then - failing those - do some research. E.g. Meditation and spiritual discovery works for me, but it probably wouldn't work for a lot of others. Peace be with you.
Maybe I could just tell someone I'm gay? I've only ever tried telling myself that but it never works. Maybe if I actually tell someone then it will help me accept it. I've never really had a big change in my life, I moved once or twice but it didn't really affect me much, I'm already anti-social so I didn't really leave to many friends behind. Fortunately no one has ever died that I was really close too so I can't go off on anything. This is all completely new to me so I'm confused and basically lost in the woods. I realize there is no set way to do things but I need just a little more guidance.
Usually your own ideas are the best ones So yes, if you know someone you can/want to come out to, then definitely go for it. For me personally, telling a friend (and later my parents) really helped to clear up the foggy thoughts in my head around my sexuality/orientation. I came out as bi though (thinking it would be easier for others to understand), but all of the conversations that followed made me realise that I'm gay. Follow your own path though It sounds like you've already taken a few steps down that path. Peace!
Okay thanks I'm gonna tell one of my best friends and see what comes of it. I'm gonna wait on saying anything to my parents though. Still kinda afraid of talking to them. But seriously thanks for the advice on this, I really needed it since I don't actually have any gay friends. Your awesome THANKS! *Hug*(*hug*)
Hi I'm the second person who posted in this. I decided to bite the bullet and tell my parents yesterday. I was initially elated but the anxiety is now back with vengeance. Totally paranoid I've made a mistake. The anxiety seems to have killed any kind of sexual desire I had too making me feel even less sure!
The negative feelings and thoughts will pass. They always do. You'll come out the other side feeling more relaxed than you've ever felt in your life. It just takes time, that's all. Just try to accept the feelings at the moment, instead of fighting them. If you can. You've done a major thing, so give yourself some credit! How did the conversation with your parents go?
I actually wrote an account of the whole thing on the "Coming Out Stories" section if you're interested. The thread is called "Came out to parents!" However I can report I now feel a lot better. They brought it up over dinner today which initially had me really anxious but it was for the best. First they asked whether they were supposed to keep it a secret or not (I said yes for the moment.) I wanted to clarify that anyway which was good. Also, because of the way the message I sent was worded, they asked if I was asexual, bi or gay or whatever and I talked through my logic and it was funny how the anxiety disappeared as I spoke. I think it helped because I was clarifying it to myself too. I'd never talked about it to somebody face to face so that was good. My dad also then took me by surprise MASSIVELY. In front of me and my mum, he admitted he'd once, aged about 13/14, had an experience with a boy (didn't go into details.) Mum was surprised too and we all had a laugh about it. It was great. They're so nice (although I expect my mum will question him more tonight when I'm not there ) I do feel a bit guilty though because I think I came across as shocked and said "I don't want to know!" when I thought he was gonna tell more. I didn't want to know more but I suppose I feel bad because they have been so helpful at listening with me and maybe I should've returned the favour. Anyway yes, things are good TALK ABOUT MOOD SWINGS
That's great to hear! When I came out to one of my straight friends, he confided that he'd had a male/male experience during puberty too... I think it's pretty common. If you're worried that he's worried about it, maybe that could be a starting point in a future conversation with him. Glad everything calmed down and the air cleared, it sounds like you have cool parents.
