Hello all! I've been quite perplexed by orientation and labels lately. Perhaps one of you could give me some insight into this? I know not everything fits under one label or another, but it's kinda nice when you find the one that fits, and that is what I'd like to do. So a bit about my background. Well I guess I feel like when I was a kid, I didn't realize that there were such things as gay relationships. I think I grew up pretty normal, had normal crushes on boys, had a couple of boyfriends in middle school (was too shy to even look at them lol!) but then I had my first lesbian experience when I was 14, it wasn't too sexual, but this one girl had the hots for me. I wasn't into her though because I knew she slept around on her gf's/bf's. It wasn't like they were open relationships, either. She just lacked honesty it seemed. Anyways, it definitely had me questioning, and I kinda identified as bi to myself, I was deff. not out, though I think a lot of people knew that I was open to such things. Next into highschool, I was having some major girl crushes, with the problem being that they were always taken or non receptive. I had a few 'boy' crushes also, and ended up going out with a beautiful boy that I met through mutual friends. He was really not masculine in the slightest and was quite andro. Treated me as an equal and was even more fem than me in mannerisms. So that boy that I was dating, we are still together. Turns out he is a she and she finally came out to me around 1.5 to 2 years ago. We've been together 9 years now, and I do not plan on ever leaving her side, she is completely wonderful. So since she has been on hormones, she has become so much more attractive to me I guess cus with age, her face had been masculinizing slightly. So here is where my question comes in. I have pretty much for the past 9 years considered myself pansexual. However, most of my friends and my gf all claim that I am a lesbian. Now, they say this because: A) I don't find 'men' attractive. But I did think they were okay in middle/high school (well, boys my age, not men). B) I find my gf more appealing and attractive as a woman than I did when she was a 'man' (again, she was NEVER much of a man! Prolly why I liked her so much). C) I definitely find women attractive, sexually. Women are gorgeous and beautiful and I adore their bodies and their curves. Mens bodys are not a turn off... but they aren't a turn on either. They are just kinda there... well I don't like a lot of body hair/muscles either. Now the reasons I don't consider myself to be a lesbian: I don't mind flirting with guys when I'm drunk. I enjoy the attention and the game. I could totally have sex with a dude and be into it. I don't know about a relationship, but I do know I could be sexual with them. Honestly, I'm just confused, prolly cus I dated my gf back when she was a fem boy. Now I'm like... well she was a girl the whole time, that is why we click so well. I've never found a dude that I could bond with like I do with girls. Though I'm not sure if that is related to society or what.. I hate being treated like I'm a delicate flower, and i especially hate when dudes try to be chivalrous. It annoys/disgusts me to no end! Oh yeah, and I absolutely ADORE gay (m/m) porn and erotica. I know I'd love f/f stuff too, but I have a hard time finding some that isn't directed towards a male audience, and that just doesn't do it for me. So that is prolly the most confusing part of this all! Sorry for the wall of text, I just find this subject to be confusing!! Any insight or thoughts would be soooo appreciated. tl;dr- im confused.
I think you are probably pansexual because it seems like you could be into a man if he had the personality that you could bond with. But I think you tilt more towards women. I find defining sexuality really hard to define. When I came out to a couple of my friends I said I was 80% lesbian. Because sometimes I think that maybe I am into the odd guy. But then again I question it because maybe it is just me trying to make myself attracted to a guy because life would be easier. So truthfully it is hard to define sexuality and as you said not everything fits into a label. But if you wanted to give yourself one, I think doing it by percentage can be useful as you can kind of work out statistically who you would go for. But I'm not sure if people look at it percentage wise
Okay, thank you for the responses! That is what I thought myself, however my friends are convinced that I'm a lesbian because I find manly men repulsive. I appreciate it
