1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Asexuality and Queerplatonic Relationships

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Nychthemeron, Jun 16, 2014.

  1. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    3,084
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey there. Name's Nychthemeron, and I would like some advice with my romantic orientation.

    By some magical force of nature, I managed to fish the label asexual out of the Lake of Questioning One's Sexuality. But we all know that, even when you're done with that cursed place, you still have to skedaddle over to the dreaded Lake of Questioning One's Romantic Orientation (or vice versa).

    Unfortunately, I have no idea how to start my search. So, I decided to type out an awfully long OP in an attempt to get people to give me some advice.

    Sorry.

    But here we go.

    I believe I'm attracted to men. If you asked me to pick out someone I thought was aesthetically attractive, then I'd probably pick out a guy. It's not that I don't think others are pretty, because they are. I just don't feel the same way about them, you know?

    Here come the confusing part. I have made a friend. She's a cis girl. At first, I was just her friend. I enjoyed being with her. Then, it escalated into something more.

    I wanted to kiss her. Not on the lips, though. More like the cheek or the forehead. And I wanted to hug her. I wanted to be affectionate towards her. I began to find her both aesthetically and emotionally pleasing - pretty and kind.

    And here's the catch: I couldn't see us as a couple.

    I don't want to be her boyfriend and I don't want her to be my girlfriend. The thought of her not returning my feelings is no big concern for me. When she got a boyfriend, I wasn't jealous at all.

    It's a weird sort of feeling. But I found a term for it.

    Queerplatonic relationship. Or a one-sided one, anyway.

    I also heard of squishes, which, apparently, is when you desire to be in a queerplatonic relationship. So my question is: does that affect my romantic orientation?

    So far, I haven't actually experienced any romantic attraction to anyone, and I'm not quite sure if the relationship I seek is entirely romantic either. I'm looking at a few labels:

    Homoromantic
    Panromantic
    Demiromantic (with the prefixes of the previous two)
    Aromantic

    Any insight on this is greatly appreciated. And if you managed to read through this entire post, kudos to you!

    Although, I suppose I should provide a

    tl;dr:

    As far as aesthetic attraction goes, I find men attractive. However, I have a one-sided queerplatonic relationship with close friend, who is a cis girl, and I believe gender will be a very minor factor in relationships for me. Does anyone have advice on what my romantic orientation can possibly be?

    Thank you in advance.
     
  2. Najlen

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2014
    Messages:
    403
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    221B Baker St, and the TARDIS (I wish)
    To me, you sound pandemiromantic, because of what you said about thinking gender will be a very minor factor. Can you see yourself with a person of any gender? If you are pan, you can still lean towards one gender, as you probably know. Good luck!
     
  3. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    3,084
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thanks for your input.

    As for your question, I suppose the answer's yes, but it doesn't really seem that simple in my mind. I don't care about gender at all. When I look at someone, I don't note that they're a man or a woman or agender or genderfluid. I only use gender to clarify, like I did in the OP. If I was just describing my friend, you'd probably wouldn't see a single girl in there.

    But I guess that's a little extra.
     
  4. darkcomesoon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 17, 2014
    Messages:
    1,359
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    New Jersey
    Gender:
    Male (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That definitely sounds like you fit the definition of panromantic. I've heard a lot of panromantic and/or pansexual people say they label themselves that way because gender isn't a factor in their romantic/sexual attraction to a person.
     
  5. Nychthemeron

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2014
    Messages:
    3,084
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Tennessee, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Awesome, thank you! Seems like I may be more panromantic than anything, I suppose, although I'm still very, very doubtful I will experience romantic attraction anytime soon. Is it possible to attach some sort of prefix to the term "aromantic"?