Your feelings toward men?

As someone still questioning, here's my two cents.

I notice women more than men but worry that I'm not sexually attracted. As for men, I tens to form romantic relationships rather than physical admiration. So whilst I'm not sure, I candefinitely say I think about men because it's what I'm used to and expect.

 

I notice women more than men also because I feel like there are more attractive women around. That being said when I'm out and about and I see an attractive guy, I usually get butterflies and have to stop myself from smiling. I have a thing for guys with strong arms and I will sometimes have sexual fantasies when seeing guys who are in shape.

I wasn't always like that with guys though. I'm 30, and the attraction to just a man's body has only come about in the last 4 years.

I consider myself a bit demisexual with women and cannot attain a sexual attraction without getting to know the woman 1st. When I notice a beautiful woman, it's usually that I want to look like her. If she is wearing revealing clothing then I could get turned on but it doesn't elicit a response like guys do.

 

I dont even know. I just fall for them.

 

I'm not attracted to men, but I might be able to offer some objective input.

People that are attracted to men generally don't just admire how they look, but desire to have sex with them in some way and/or be involved with them romantically. The desire to have sex can be anything from "He's hot, I would screw him right now" to "He's cute but I could only imagine being sexual with him after we're in love/married". I think the indicator for being a straight girl or a gay guy (or a bisexual) however, is to desire that in some way.

However...

Even exclusive lesbians (6 on the kinsey scale) can show some feeling for men that other people can mistake for an 'attraction'. Some lesbians think men are good looking and joke about how 'hot' he is, while an even larger number enjoy watching men involved in porn or sexual situations (Straight or gay porn, or even male masturbation). This still makes them lesbians though since they don't like the idea of actually having sex with these men.

You can see that a lot of lesbians who have some 'attraction' to men are confused because of this. You see a lot of topics that ask 'Am I a lesbian- I think men are good-looking'. We are conditioned by society; in an old-age belief that women *need* men, and we're *supposed* to be attracted to them. Meanwhile, straight women commonly call women sexy and no one doubts they are straight (especially since they can say that with no sexual curosity at all), but a lesbian has to doubt herself for thinking a man is good-looking since society will push on her it means that she wants them.

As for me, yes I do find men attractive to look at. But I also find puppies and kittens attractive to look at. However, I am not a zoophile for saying an animal is "cute" so neither should I be considered straight/bisexual for saying the same about men. My sexuality is based on the fact I have no sexual desire for men and sleeping with one would feel wrong.

 

Im not turned on by many guys, I think for me its physical attraction, the hair, the nice smile, tone body (not extreme), but even more of a turn on is how they act and carry themselves. Confident but not overpowering.

 

Slightly off topic, but I fall outside this category. I constantly question whether I'm gay or straight because I find women beautiful and think I fancy the idea of sex, and my opinion on men are "sometimes attractive" and "I don't fancy that penis being involved". Any advice on that?

 

Hmmm...well that can depend and It's honestly up to you to discover that.
A lot of straight women think women are beautiful (A lot of my friends are even obsessed with boobs lol) but what makes them straight is no sexual or romantic interest in women. If you fancy the idea of sex, it could make you lesbian, bisexual, or bi-curious heterosexual.

For men that also depends. You can find men good-looking without it being an attraction to them, and the reverse. Not liking a penis being involved can depend; some straight women think penises look 'gross' but still want to do sexual things with men, so I think that's the deciding factor.

I don't think physical attractions plays into sexuality as much as people think. I know I'm gay but I don't think a lot of women are physically appealing (I don't think they're ugly either; I'm just indifferent). It's more with the fact that I have a very picky and selective list of 'physical traits' I like and feel more attracted to the emotional connection and such.

 

I romantically like them a lot, but I'm barely sexually attracted to them. Whenever I try to think about sex with a man, well, let's just say I can't think about it for long. However, when a man is really nice and sensitive - I just love that. If I would see a cute/handsome man in the store or even on TV, I would probably have a few butterflies for a minute, but then forget about him once he's out of my sight lol. Even though I feel like my romantic feelings are just a teeny tiny bit more for them, I think that once I really start to get to know a woman and form that bond, I actually think the love is more lasting that just those little crushes I have on men.

So, yeah, I guess that describes my feelings towards men!! You definitely do seem more attracted to women - And you might be intimidated by guys maybe just because they are a guy - Not necessarily that you are attracted to them - But since I haven't known many guys before personally, sometimes I wonder how should I act around a guy and get nervous. That could be it for you, but I don't know! Either way, I hope you keep finding more and more security in who you are, you seem to not be as questioning as before, which is good!

 

Let's put it this way. If you asked me to search up cute boys or cute girls on Google images, I'm going to search up "cute birds".

Er, boys.

 

Their ok as friends but that's about it the minute they cross that line they piss me off friendship is over . I'm lesbian and still think some men look attractive and find them attractive but what makes me gay is I don't want to sleep with them or date them . I only want that with women .

---------- Post added 17th Jun 2014 at 11:46 AM ----------

Omg I love this answer

 

That is so true I'm dealing with that right now

 

I have no physical attraction to men in general whatsoever, yet I have a strong attraction to one guy in particular. I don't know why that is yet.

 

I may experience aesthetic attraction towards men and even fantasize about them(the latter only happened with male fictional characters though :icon_redf), but I never felt anything besides that.

 

Hahahaha! I have a bit of the same thing going on in my mind, but, for me, it's the opposite, switch the genders.

I'm not sure what it is exactly, but I've just felt this way since probably around middle school age; though, I just, for the most part, came to terms with it recently. But, generally, I feel, much like you, in that my attraction to the same sex seems more natural, all encompassing, and less conscious, where my attraction to the opposite sex seems more like I'm finding particular qualities attractive, and it's more conscious, like I'm trying to explain to myself why I find myself attracted.

Who knows? The only thing I know is that I have a lot more to learn about myself. :icon_wink

 

I don't know, Storm, but I think you are over thinking it way too much. On one hand you're attracted to women in a way that's pretty obvious and can be spotted a mile away, while on the other hand you have that "something" towards men that even when you stand a meter away you don't know what that something is but you keep looking at it and try seeing it through a magnifying glass so maybe you could take a better glance of it.
I think that when you are attracted to someone you know it right away, you don't need to analyze and ask "hm, am I or am I not?", you just know you are, the same way you're sure with women. I may be wrong but it seems to me that you're not genuinely attracted to men then.

(In my case, I just go with what outweighs right now and it's, in every possible aspect, women. I don't care to what extend I'm attracted to men, if the F:M ratio is 100:0 or 90:10, or if I'm even attracted to them, I just go with what feels right for now. :icon_wink)

 

I would try to look back in history as a better indicator, because your feelings can be all over the place at any one time. Just an example, for a couple of weeks I convinced myself I was gay, even going to the length of changing my 'looking for' status on ###### to women and men. I then realised I didn't actually want to meet any guys and my attraction wasn't what i thought it was, even though I'd thought it was pretty strong. I'm still not sure of my sexuality as things are all over the place at the moment, but looking back in my short history of sexual attraction does help me more than looking at what I think I feel right now.

In conclusion, if you get a few feelings of attraction, even as long as for a few months, I would still take more notice of what your history of attraction is.

 

If you've gotten to this point in your life and you still haven't got a clue about what your sexuality is, maybe you should just stop trying to label yourself, or just come out as pansexual and leave it at that.
I know personally I would want to know my own label, but it just seems that for you that trying to work it out isn't actually helping. Maybe you should just forget about it and do whatever feels right, and date, or not, anyone you want.