So, I'm 24 and identify as gay. I have always been drawn towards men,emotionally and physically, ever since a child, but I've never been able to really identify emotionally with women nor sexually, funnily enough I don't loathe female genitalia or anything like that but I just can't imagine myself being with a woman. That being said, the thing that bugs me however is that I don't physically get turned on by sex too often. I get erections now and then but I don't pitch tents like most gay men when they see a hot guy or whatever. Even when I watch gay porn I don't quite find myself getting physically turned on unless I coax my little friend down there. I think the reason is because I find porn incredibly repetitive and mechanical. Here's the kicker, while most men get a rush from genitalia, and sex, I get turned on by emotionally connecting with a guy.I LOVE anything romantic, like holding hands, doing cute things, kissing, cuddling, if a guy has a sense of humor, is quirky, dorky etc Doing those things with a guy turns me on multiple levels, in my mind and heart,I swoon and then that also physically turns me on. So I want to know, is something wrong with me sexually? I just feel the way we all function, our mentality, is that we have, like HAVE TO, be sexually active and adventurous when we're young in order to sort of enjoy that aspect of our lives and honestly I am quite the opposite, I just am emotionally oriented more so than sexually.Its funny because if you were to ask me to pick a shirtless muscled guy or an adorably cute guy, with a quirky smile or puppy dog eyes, like say a well defined male model or athlete over some cutesy guy like Logan Lerman or Andrew Garfield, I definitely am going for the cute guy who has more sex appeal than the former. I ask this because I was fed up of being a virgin and have absolutely no experience in anything sex related so I hooked up with a guy I conversed with online and honestly the experience was not what I expected. I basically gave him oral but his penis a felt weird in my mouth, not what I expected, and not too much to my liking. I was getting turned on but it was slow, maybe because I was super nervous and exhausted a lack of sleep the night before so idk maybe it was a combination of all that or maybe there's something wrong with me? :/ He even said "you're not hard, why?" so I'm confused as heck! Is something wrong with me ? Are there gay men out there who are emotionally oriented more so then sexually? Is it possible to have a high emotional/romantic drive and low sex drive? :icon_sad:
I feel like you and I are a lot alike XD. I'm extremely attracted to women but I don't really like sex more than 4 play/ just hugging kissing etc. Also the first time I had sex with a girl I couldn't keep an erection 0_0. Like to save my life XD. IDK whether it was just nerves or what but It honestly took a while to over come it. Just as well tho, cause I like fingering a women better than PIV anyway <.< ---------- Post added 18th Jun 2014 at 04:48 PM ---------- Sorry I forgot my points XD! So sex for some people (like me) just isn't the holy grail of awesome. I really like the romantic aspect of a relationship better than the sex.
I do like sex though but its just not with any guy lol I guess I have to be really into the person, feel incredibly safe and comfortable with them in order to do it. I have to have that emotional connection with them and be into them physically, I am incredibly attracted to faces so if a guy has a cute/hot face I am physically into them. I just don't pop boners frequently and that's weird seeing as your typical hot blooded man is really into sex
There is nothing wrong with you. At least I hope not, because it sounded like you're describing me. 21, gay, virgin, just wrapping up the coming out process and not at all interested in the promiscuity stereotype or really sex for that matter. As far as not getting hard, it's probably all the things you said. I don't really get hard unless I'm cuddling with a guy that I both find attractive and have an emotional connection with.
I don't really know any gay people in real life, even though I really want friends, so all my exposure to gay culture is through the media and social networking ie tumblr and what not and it just seems like all I ever see are guys talking about SEX,SEX,SEX and it just never ends like sexual roles, ie top/bottom, etc and all I want is the romantic aspect and all the good that comes with it so that's why I have long since felt like something was wrong with me ugh
Yup this, even here on EC, so much about bottoming and barebacking and hookups and the like. If that's what being gay is about, I can just stay a virgin. I do often feel there is something wrong with me for not really wanting sexual contact with people, but then sometimes I think it's other people who are wrong for brazenly pursuing sexual experiences that can leave them emotionally spent and even physically wounded.
I also prefer cuddling and kissing a guy rather then sex. But sex is good too. I think your problem is that you need to find a guy that you really like in order to have sex with him. Maybe casual sex with guys is just a turn off for you.
It really is! I just can't hook up and do the deed, like I need to have a strong emotional connection and I need to have foreplay intensely before I actually get to the sex part.
Yes, you're gay and no there's nothing wrong with you. You simply have a set of preferences when it comes to this area that are either not as common or at least don't fit in with the media narrative of what it means to be a man (gay or otherwise). There are no rules about what you must or must not like in order to be a gay man (ok, the sexual attraction to men thing is generally considered a prerequisite but you know what I mean here). You certainly aren't required to get turned on every time you see a guy or a particular type of guy. You have your preferred type of guy and your preferred approach to sex and relationships. Own it, live in the manner that makes you happy and fulfilled, and don't let what other people like to do dictate YOUR actions. Todd
========================================================== Dear Serph990; Emotional connections is so much more intense and long lasting than only sexual a ttraction. Watching gay porn is so predictable to boring after a short time. But interaction between people is so much more unpredictable, its EXCITING. Being tired and nervous will leave you limp, Take care of yourself thats most important. Many guys find a guy's penis not what they thought their first encounter should be! Happened to me, I was grossed out by having his dick forced down my throat. BUT getting my first BJ was an amazing experience, curled my toes, never felt so good b4. He wanted me to do it to him but he had a funky smelling crotch, he said it was man smell. I refused and he stormed ouut cursing me etc. Wasnt very good experience We can connect on much more than a crotch level and be gay and true to yourself. Don't feel you have to reciprociate, have that talk before the pants come off what you will/won't do. NO matter what he says, NEVER be penetrated unprotected! Guys cheat and lie so be safe. As a relationship developes you'll know when its safe. True Love last FOREVER Bible on love. 1Corinthians 13:4-7 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Regards, jaacck6528
