So, I have decided that I'm probably gay. The thing is, I'm in a relationship with a woman and we have a fantastic emotional bond and we have great sex, no problem getting hard at all. Can you be gay and still love a woman? Or would that be classified as being bisexual?
It depends... If you feel sexually attracted to both sexes, then you can be bisexual, but if you're just feeling only romantic attraction towards that woman then yes, you are gay. You sounds like a biromantic(or heteromantic if you don't feel romantic attraction towards men) gay(person that's sexually attracted to the same-sex) to me, but that's just my opinion, you can identify yourself as bisexual if you think it fits you better. One more thing, just because you enjoy sex with someone of the opposite gender, it doesn't mean that you're straight. You can enjoy having sex with a woman and don't feel sexual attraction at all.
you've decided you are gay based on what exactly? Maybe that might be the place to start? Honestly, you sound like you might be more bi than gay. But If you ask yourself how you feel about being romantically involved with each of the sexes, those answers should help you give yourself a "label" if you need it...
I had sexual contact with another guy twice, but I could never get hard. I have never dated a guy and have never seen another man in a romantic light. But a few weeks ago I just started questioning my sexuality randomly. I laid in bed, shaking horribly, and the only thing I could think was "I'm gay, I'm gay." Maybe it is just my mind messing with me. I've had many great relationships with women, including the one I'm in right now, and sex is great and I always feel attracted sexually and romantically to women. It's just those thoughts. I told myself I was gay and I feel better, a lot of my weight is gone, but how can I be gay if I love and lust after a woman? I'm identifying as bi but I just don't know.
Well, bi-romantic love is a very real thing but considering you have never experienced romantic feelings for a man, perhaps this isn't the issue (yet). Not getting an erection the two times you've been with a guy doesn't really tell you anything. That can be explained as just nerves. In fact, I'm not sure focusing on your sexual fantasies toward men will give you much insight into the gay question. Ultimately, gay, straight, or bi is determined by our commitments, not by our genitals. On that point, you say your relationship with your girl is good sexually and romantically so I'm wondering why it doesn't seem to be enough to preoccupy you of late. Maybe more answers will come to light if you discuss these thoughts with her and tell her how you have been feeling recently. I know that can be a really hard conversation to have but at some point you will need to confront this head on.
