Ok so I think I’m bisexual with a preference for women, but I’m having a hard time accepting it because the thought didn’t consciously cross my mind until 6 months ago. My feelings for men are there, but they have never been that strong. They are predominately romantic, and only very occasionally physical. I have had crushes on guys and occasionally will see a guy who gives me butterflies. I'm not sure how I would do in a long term relationship with a guy, it probably would be fine, as long as we didn't have to be intimate physically. But I've never been in a relationship with anyone, so I don't have anything to compare from experience. As for my feelings towards women I’ve never given it much thought until very recently. In the past I would catch myself checking out women, or looking down shirts. I have now come to realize that I have a strong physical attraction for women, I have had crushes on a lot of my friends, and I may have even been in love with a couple of them. Although I have questioned my sexuality for about 3 ½ years now, I didn’t seriously entertain the possibility that I liked women until recently. And because of this I’m afraid that my feelings for women aren’t real. The fact that I have some attraction to men confuses me, and I worry that people wont understand. I feel like I cant call myself a lesbian, as this would be ignoring a part of myself. I'm sticking with bi with a preference for women for now. However, when I tell people I'm afraid they'll simply hear lesbian, which isn't true. (This already happened with my mom, and no matter how many times I explain to her I don't think she quite gets it) I guess I'm just having a hard time accepting and understanding myself when I know the important people in my life, even though they'll accept me, just won't quite understand . . . :icon_sad:
It seems like what you're going through is the common experience of becoming aware that you are Bi or Bi hetero-romantic . Most of us are brought up with the unspoken belief that we will be straight. If you're Bi but dated members of the opposite sex or were only attracted to the opposite sex for many years it can be confusing to suddenly find yourself attracted to the same sex. It doesn't mean that your feelings for women are false, it may just mean that they are in their infancy. It takes time to figure these feelings out because there is so much societal pressure out there to self-identify. There is also a confusion when you start accepting that you are attracted to the same sex in that you wonder if you have been denying that you are only attracted to that sex but afraid to admit it to yourself. I have friends who are Bi who have more relationships with people of the same sex and friends who have relationships with people of the opposite sex. For me my attraction for both men and women is about equal. We are all different. I have a friend who is Bi but has been with in a relationship with a woman for 10 years, she still finds men attractive but prefers to have relationships with women so the running stereotype that we're more attracted to men is false. There are a lot of stereotypes about us that you may have to confront about being Bi along the way but I say take it with a grain of salt. Any time someone tries to make you feel 'less than' who you are they have a lot more problems than you do. As for getting the people closest to you to understand you, most likely your own confusion is confusing them (this may not be the case). My guess is that the more comfortable you become with who you really are the better you'll be at explaining it to your close friends and family. When I first came out as Bi to my mom she thought I was telling her I was promiscuous with both sexes even though I am in a committed relationship! It took about 3 minutes of explaining before she understood what I was telling her but that came from fully understanding my sexuality. Maybe just telling them you're not sure right now and ask for their understanding while you are still trying to figure things out will yield more understanding from them.
