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I am losing my mind, someone please help me figure this out

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by jasonpaul, Jun 22, 2014.

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  1. jasonpaul

    jasonpaul
    Regular Member

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    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I'm an almost 22 years old guy who is about to be a senior in college. I've been dating this guy for three years, so I guess it's time to come out... But I can't.

    I've also read that coming out should be fun and exciting... But it's not. Every time I tell someone I can't sleep or focus for days afterwards because I feel so sick to my stomach with regret and worry. No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise, the small voice in my head is CONVINCED that I'm straight and that I'm making a huge mistake...

    Everything I read online says that I should have known this about myself since I was a child. Which I didn't.... Honestly, the fact that I might be gay never even crossed my mind until college. I've always found men attractive, but not as attractive as women. Because I was attracted to women I just stopped there and never confronted the fact that I also liked men.

    I've only had sex with one guy (my boyfriend) and around 50 women. When I walk around, I'm attracted to 85-90% of the women I see, but only around 20-30% of the men. Also, I almost exclusively masturbate to straight porn and most of my fantasies involve women (although many of them involve men and women).

    My problem is feeling romantic feelings for women. The way I described it to my roommate (one of the few people I've told) is that men are "the sum of their parts" much more than women. I don't need to feel that physically attracted to a guy to find him attractive... It's more just about "him being him", if that makes sense, and him and being as committed to me as I am to him. It's all about companionship. And I have never felt that for a woman. I have tons of close friendships with women, and have had very pleasurable sexual relationships with women I've loved... But only as a friend. I enjoyed those experiences but they lacked the romantic element that I've experienced with my boyfriend. But on the other hand, I don't find men as physically appealing and the thought of only having sex with a guy, and never again with a woman, for the rest of my lift doesn't sit well with me.

    So... What do you think I am? Gay? Straight? Bisexual? Should I just wait around for a better girl? Am I thinking about this too much? What can I do to make this easier? Any other advice?
     
    #1 jasonpaul, Jun 22, 2014
  2. Najlen

    Najlen
    Full Member

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    Location:
    221B Baker St, and the TARDIS (I wish)
    If you want a label, I would say homoromantic bisexual, with female preference, meaning that you are attracted romantically to men, and sexually to both men and women, but mostly women. You might someday find a woman who you have a romantic connection to, or you might not. You might someday find guy who you want to have sex with exclusively, or you might not. You might also find a male partner willing to participate in threesomes with women.

    Coming out is pretty much never fun. It is scary and difficult, even when you are 110% sure that the person you are coming out to will accept you.

    Most people don't know from a young age. I ran a poll on this and you are in one of the top 3 age groupings.

    If you want to come out to people, you don't have to give them a label. You can just say that you like men, or that you're queer. I hope this helps.
     
    #2 Najlen, Jun 22, 2014
  3. mangotree

    mangotree
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    Location:
    Queensland, Australia
    Apart from your coming out experiences, are you happy in your relationship with your boyfriend right now? Aside from sex with women, is there anything that is lacking in your relationship with him?

    Labels often make things more complicated than they really are.
    Could you enjoy being with your boyfriend while you're with him? and then if your relationship ends, enjoy a relationship with someone else?
    At any particular time in your life you can just say "My partner's name is:" and that's it.
    Or if they ask you if you're gay/bi etc.. just say "I'm attracted to <insert partner's name>".
    Or a more general answer of "I like both"... no need to put percentages on it.

    It sounds like you live in a community wouldn't judge you either way.

    Hope this helps (or at least doesn't make things even more confusing).

    Peace be with you (*hug*)
     
    #3 mangotree, Jun 22, 2014
  4. confuseduser99

    confuseduser99
    Full Member

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    You're definitely bisexual. When I was trying to figure it all out, I thought that I was "straight", just confused. I'm exclusively sexually attracted to men (I'm male), and had some romantic attraction towards women. I found romantic attractions to men strange and foreign, but that's quickly melted away since I came out to myself in April.

    If you can be sexually attracted to women (even while in a relationship with a guy), you're bisexual.
     
    #4 confuseduser99, Jun 22, 2014
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